June 16, 2008

  • summer boredom survey

    -or, finally, a survey I can REALLY loathe.  >=D

    Those of you who have been following this blog will understand if I find it gauche to repeat myself ad nauseum on some of these questions and whack the survey maker to a bloody pulp instead.

    1. Would you make a fool out of yourself in public if it meant you were making your significant other laugh?
    I space out so badly in Walmart that Scott literally uses me for a decoy in the checkout lanes to psyche out the other shoppers while he line hops, kind of like this. 
    Eddie Izzard: Definite Article - Part 3

    2. Do you prefer reading outside if weather permits rather than inside?
    Many great authors have followed me into the bathroom.  I otherwise have to wear dark sunglasses outdoors unless we're having an eclipse.

    3. Do you judge people solely by their musical preferences?
    Whatever Jack Bauer wants to listen to, I'm not touching that radio dial with a tong.  Or his cds, or ipod, or whatever else he's got.

    4. If you could 'take back' your heart from your first love, would you?
    My first love was brutally ripped away from me in kindergarten, the beginning of many years of confusing autism spectrum in a cruel world.

    5. Would you ever start a relationship with someone who was still living with an ex for financial reasons?
    I can think of nothing more idiotic to get myself into.  Oh, um, for the lovelorn out there, allow me to be more delicate with this subject.  I can think of nothing more idiotic to get yourselves into.

    6. Do you need to know everything about someone's past?
    That's what imdb.com is for.

    7. Is it more worthwhile and satisfying to improve the world or appreciate the world?
    Ode to Survey Makers, in Haiku
    Sometimes my day sux
    I need distraction from pain
    Thanx for the surveys

    8. Do you feel you have a purpose or calling in life?
    Is this an either/or question?  Because some aspies really get into the subtleties of word definition and sentence structure.  My purpose is to annoy people, my calling is to cheer you all on in your miseries.

    9. Do you believe that dreams can be messages from God?
    It's quite possible your dreams are messages from *me*.  True story.  I dreamed one night that it was night time, I was standing near a river trying to tell a very poor 'homeless' family that the river was going to flood, and they needed to move to higher ground, but they wouldn't listen.  I shouted, I went to each of them, they all ignored me.  Finally they realized the water was coming up, so they moved about a quarter mile sorta uphill to an old shed.  I was in there with them just frantic, trying to get them to listen to me that the water was still going to get in, and they needed to leave NOW before the shed was swept away.  I became so agitated that suddenly they all stopped still and stared at me really weird, and next thing you know the dad was pulling out a gun and shooting at me.  I was racing away up the rest of the hill before I realized I didn't have legs.  From there I woke up.  Over time the thought has occurred to me that perhaps that family was real and perhaps I was really there with them, and perhaps they thought they were seeing a ghost...  This is one of many dreams I've had of being in different places where sometimes people can see me and refuse to talk to me and act really weird when I'm around.  Some of the old Native American and other older cultures around the world believe it's possible to 'soul travel' while we sleep.  So I wonder how many of us really travel around without realizing it.

    10. Would you rather have a great friend you could share everything with or a great lover you can't really talk to?
    Scott is awesome.  He actually pretends to hear everything I yap on about that's way over his head, and he knows if he touches this aspie wrong he'll get slugged.  And he's still around after nearly 15 years.  A great friend goes "Uh-huh" at the right time and a great lover doesn't annoy you with that snuggly foreplay stuff.

    11. Is the male or female body the closest to perfection?
    I think night crawlers are closest to perfection.  They are both sexes, they don't waste their energy on road rage or shopping, and they compost the entire earth like a big machine.

    12. Should a child who's caught masturbating be punished?
    I could go into a long discourse on how being on the autism spectrum and having no self awareness at a young age can lead to some very painful memories down the road, but I won't.

    13. Do you like kissing in public?
    Another spazzing induced anti-aspie question.  Too many details are left out.  Do I like kissing others in public?  Do I know the people I'm kissing?  Do I like seeing public displays of affection or mating in other people?  Do I like kissing for the sake of kissing, like kids and dogs?  Do I like kissing for money?  In general, do I like kissing in public?  Do I even go out in public enough to see kissing in the first place?

    14. Do you have a fetish that you would like to employ in your next relationship?
    I doubt there will ever be another if Scott should croak off, but whatever happens, I will continue to be obsessed with wearing sox.

    15. Did America really put a man on the moon?
    The Flat Earth Society   "Deprogramming the masses since 1547"
    Eddie Izzard the Moon Landings

    I actually keep a pretty close eye on what the space probes send back.  I love living on a big ball whirling through a vast universe.  As for the moon, I have no problem with it being a ball way out there, too.  The real question now is- Did we really put a little rover on Mars?  We're sure getting some nice pictures back.  What the heck, I think I'll believe it's real.

    16. Would you date someone significantly (9 years or over) older than you?
    Scott would laugh.

    17. Generally, in life, what makes you happy?
    *loading gun*

    18. How well do you handle criticism?
    *aiming gun at survey maker*

    19. Would you like to date someone a lot purer than you?

    20.When reading, do you find yourself often thinking about other things and forgetting everything you just read?
    When reading a book *that* boring, you should return it to the library before you lay it down somewhere and forget all about it and incur heavy fines.

    21. Is it possible for grape juice to be tastier than wine?
    Sparkling pear juice is nice.  We're coming really close to psyche analyzing this survey maker.  Can you feel it coming?

    22. You've just met someone very nice while out with friends, and they have been kind enough to cough up a phone number, how long before you call?
    'Kind enough to ~cough up~'.....  I would say NEVER.  If they had to cough it up, chances are they were too polite to say no and wrote down a number for the dry cleaner down the street.  Geez, I'm aspie and even *I* get that.

    23. Do you think the family of a murder victim should have any say in what punishment is given to the murderer?
    Would you be angry if the family of the murder victim were, say, uber tender hearted and forgave the murderer and let him or her go free?  I've actually seen this happen on the news some years ago, where the family forgave the murderer and begged the state to take him off death row because it bothered them so badly, and people watching were just outraged that the family could forgive the guy.  I think that no matter what anyone thinks 'should' happen, someone else will always be there to condemn you for thinking that, yay or nay, whether it's capital punishment or a mere slap on the wrist.  This is why laws of the land are so important, to establish continuity and consistency (hopefully).  If you don't like that, you are free (in the U.S.) to lobby to have it changed.

    24. Would you have a 'Happy Button' installed on your body, connected to your brain, which would instantly make you very happy whenever you pressed it?
    There's that 'happy' thing again.  There IS NO HAPPY. 

    To suggest that the word 'happy' has somehow evolved is quite inaccurate. Etymologically 'happy' derives from an Old Norse word 'happ', meaning fortune or chance. The word first appeared about a millennium after the gospels were written, but would be inserted, in the late 1960s, as a substitute for 'blessed' in the Beatitudes.

    KryssTal : The Origin of Words and Names

    The word silly meant blessed or happy in the 11th century going through pious, innocent, harmless, pitiable, feeble, feeble minded before finally ending up as foolish or stupid.

    WikiAnswers - What are the origins of the word 'happy'

    c.1205, "chance, luck," from O.N. happ "chance, good luck," from P.Gmc. *khapan (source of O.E. gehæp "convenient, fit"). Meaning "good fortune" is from c.1225.

    So, 'happy' as a concept is a misnomer.  It didn't even EXIST once upon a time.  Imagine, no such thing as happiness in the world...  It's something that was made up, and was formalized into the United States constitution as 'the right to pursue happiness'.  So whatever YOU define as 'happiness' is completely subjective.  When I was young, to call someone a 'Happy Harry' meant they were an idiot who was too stupid to realize they were an idiot.  So, ~no~, I do not want a 'happy button' installed anywhere on my body, thank you.

    25. Would you rather know everything about your significant other, or be regularly surprised?
    Scott never fails to be completely spontaneous.  Have I mentioned he once forgot to tell me he arranged a vacation to Florida for himself until the day before he left?  That one is my favorite.  He is truly and remarkably free of the burden of sharing his thoughts.  I find that refreshing in this day and age.

    26. We are all human, do you judge someone for a past indiscretion?
    If you've had sex with kids, I hope you die.  I say this out of experiences with an ex-husband, so nothing personal.

    27. What is most attractive on the other sex?
    The 'other' sex...  I like androgyny, actually.  Scott is anti-androgyny, but he still likes me anyway.

    28. Would you rather have your dream job or your one true love for the rest of your life?
    I'm living my dream job right now.  I psychoanalyze survey makers.  This one is a pseudo-intellectual who dreams of some day being recognized by the media as a heavyweight contender in the world of journalism, or at least having their blog linked to a prestigious newsworthy source page.  This person has been burned by love and decided that love and work cannot peacefully coexist in a relationship.  This person is extremely unhappy and obsessed with outer appearances and being judged for doing the unusual, like dating much older people, masturbating as a child, and having a fetish.  This person feels guilty for using wine to deal with these conflicts and longs for a fresh start, or at least forgiveness for feeling like a fool.  This person needs either serious counseling or serious religion since dreams are showing up from God.  Part of this person's self is desperately trying to reconcile with the other part, but this person remains conflicted and will eventually opt for becoming a wine critic in order to meet the significant other that will allow for weird sex and an obsessive job.
    This one was just begging for it.

    29. Do you consider yourself sexually open minded?
    As long as everyone else leaves me alone.  I'm asexual by nature.  That's the latest coming-out-of-the-closet rage, you know.

    30. Should your significant other also become your best friend?
    See, this is why I'm so tough on survey makers.  Some of them just can't let go and move on.  They need validation in triplicate.  And more wine.

    31. Would you rather marry a virgin or someone experienced?
    Not being a virgin doesn't mean someone is experienced.  Ignorance isn't always that bad, either.  I tend to like spontaneity.

    32. Have you ever had someone truly break your heart beyond repair?
    Ok, everybody pour a little wine out for the survey maker.  Someone sure had a bad night to be creating this one, eh?

    33. Have you ever acted as a different person than you truly are to get attention?
    I run screaming from attention.  I have to act like a different person just to tolerate it.

    34. Would you prefer if good things happened, or interesting things?
    Ok, time out, confusing the aspie here.  Too much wine?  Are you ok?  Can good and interesting not fall into the same experience?  Does interesting automatically mean 'as opposed to good'?  Am I reading this wrong?  Someone help me out, I'm locked up in a sentence fragment.

    35. Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?
    And the survey maker stops here as he/she drains the bottle and falls unconscious to the floor...

 photo surveybuttonsm.jpg

I've started transferring my survey posts over to Surveypalooza so people coming in from search engines on mobile devices will be able to see the surveys.


Apologies for the missing vids, another upgrade during the server migration swept through like a scan sweeping through the Enterprise. I'll fix those later, kinda busy...

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