May 16, 2009

  • major spoiler alert, new Star Trek movie question


    Seriously, if you haven't seen the movie, close this NOW, or I'll completely ruin it for you.
    Query:  If the planet Vulcan is completely and violently destroyed by a bad guy traveling into Spock's past, never to be recovered in any spacetime shape or form, assuming even if this does become a parallel universe (hinted at in the movie), and further assuming other crucial events still play out certain ways (Khan, whales), what happens???  No T'Pring, no katra recovery, yada yada.  No Spock.  Um...
    I liked the character pre-development just fine.  The movie was ok.  (Ok, I personally thought it sucked for a long list of reasons, but the characters were still good.)  But is anyone else out there outraged that not only is Vulcan eradicated from history now, but that everything throughout all the series and the movies having anything to do with Vulcan are now negated?  Simply a different spacetime 'universe'?  Does anyone else think it's sinfully and blatantly WRONG to completely wipe out so much established story and history in such a carefully constructed scifi world?  Does this set precedence for ~anyone~ to come along and just rearrange the game board any old way they want for every other scifi world out there???  And I haven't even mentioned Kirk's whole past being changed, too.  Because it LOOKS like some lucky fart bought the franchise and decided what the heck, let's just rewrite the whole thing and go forward all over again, *ka-ching*.  Easy money.
    I'll refrain from lengthy discourse on what I truly thought of this movie (especially a couple of crucial physics you-gotta-be-kidding-mes), except to say it makes the Undiscovered Country look about 90% better now.  But I do still stand by the character pre-development, it was pretty good.  If anyone wants to argue, keep in mind I've seen every single episode and movie since I was a small child (including the cartoon), and I'm not easily swept off my feet with CGI and story gimmicks and soundtracks that rip off other shows right and left.  Not wanting to offend anyone, but if my own husband has nicknamed me Sheldon, there's probably not a chance anyone can convince me this movie doesn't just wad up Star Trek as we know it and kick it into a trash can.


    The Kevin and Patrick Blog: The New Star Trek Movie Sucks!

    Ok, ok, I have a sense of humor, too...  When *haven't* they sucked?


    Ah, I hear some of you wanting to know what else sucked.
    Let's say you've got this laser big enough to reach a planet's core.  You DON'T need to lower a 'drill' into the planet's atmosphere...  What a waste.  Plus, you'd think there'd be a little atmospheric drag.  Plus you'd think the G-force from the sudden stop at the rate they were falling woulda ripped those parachutes, or at least their necks and brains.  And since when doesn't a falling object (even a human body) heat up falling through the earth's atmosphere that fast?  Because that looked just a little too fast.  Did I mention they were falling REALLY really fast?  Everybody wants a little Iron Man in their movie...
    Red stuff.  If all it takes is one drop to crush a supernova or whatever into a black hole, why in the world do you need a tank of it?  And how in the world do you contain it in drop form inside what looks like a precautionary old-style radiation tube, like Doc Brown used for plutonium in Back to the Future?  Oh, and if the supernova woulda destroyed Romulus, wouldn't a black hole have done it, too?  Think, Spock, think!  That kind of stuff doesn't 'buy time'!!!  *writhing on floor, mouth foaming, cursing the writing team...*  We're talking EASY physics here, guys...
    Speaking of the supernova, how could Spock have been too late?  If a supernova is imminent, it's *already* too late, people.  Duh.  If you even have an inkling your star is reaching supernova stage, and you live in a generation of warp speed and stuff, you'd have the whole Federation out there getting your people out, as they have saved countless other races from imminent destruction.  That was all glossed over a little too quickly, and too easily were they conveniently sucked into the past through the hole Spock made after he wasted an incredible amount of time inventing and containing Red Stuff, and you'd think Nero would have more brains than to stew about it with all that technology at his hands.  Wow, HE could go back in time and save his planet...  He'd be a hero!  Hero Nero!  Because, and correct me if I'm wrong, if Nero went back in time, wouldn't he have all that time to warn his people, warn the planet, get hold of Spock and say Hey, dude, you're gonna mess it up...  Because back in the past, where Nero *went*, Romulus still *existed*...  I can't believe that one never came up on the writing team.  I mean, if Nero can completely rewrite Spock and Kirk history, why can't he rewrite his own?
    The ship Nero had looks like it came off Babylon 5.
    The bug he put in Pike's mouth was dangerously close to being ripped right off Stargate SG-1.  Given such a brief visual on that, never to be brought up again, I'm surprised it made it into the movie at all, barely being necessary except to save Pike's integrity in some way, since we know he'd have died before giving up any info.  Back in the old days that was called a 'plot device'.
    Soundtrack.  omg.  Since when does Star Trek throw in operatic Latinish-Vikingish chorus like every vampire, fantasy, and scifi movie has been doing for the last ten frickin' YEARS???
    You know all that lighting flashing around while they were on the Enterprise?  i.e., the light just over Sarek's head, the camera moving constantly about in between characters and the white background temporarily flashing through brightly at us-- that used to be called "bad filming".  I found it so bothersome that I wore sunglasses through the entire film.
    I'm really pissed that Spock's mom got killed.
    I'm REALLY pissed that Uhura was all kissy-faced with Spock on the transporter pad, when he's the most strictly guarded and staunchly regulatory officer in the fleet.  Since when do we get all kissy kissy on the transporter pad???  Sorta negates the whole hiding the feelings thing if he's going to let some chick feel sorry all over him like that, poor widdo boy...
    McCoy was perfect, Scotty was ok, LOSE THE EWOK.
    Sulu was ok, since when did Chekov suddenly start taking over the whole ship... wow, things we never knew about the 17 year old genius who was even smarter than Spock... again, wow...  Gee, maybe they shoulda had Chekov save Romulus...
    Best scene-- McCoy chasing after Kirk and jabbing him over and over with more shots.  Awesome.
    Poor Scott got two hours of me ranting after the movie.  He took it well.
    And I guess I'm not the only one screaming...
    P.S.  Kirk driving his (now) step-dad's vintage car around and somehow crashing it off a really big cliff in IOWA...  Isn't this in OUR future?  Do they still use gasoline?  Um...  Yeah, and it's sad that they used THAT scene to sell the original trailer on us.  Who wants to see a space movie where some little boy is crashing an old car off a cliff like Indiana Jones?  So he hates his step-dad, so big deal.
    By the way, boys and girls, Kirk was originally born in Iowa, not out in space, so even the whole Nero thing can't explain that one away.
    I'll probably see the movie again, heck, I'll probably even purchase it.  But I'll still be mad at it.  It's a Star Trek tradition to rant and spit about the movies and still continue to collect them out of loyalty.

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Apologies for the missing vids, another upgrade during the server migration swept through like a scan sweeping through the Enterprise. I'll fix those later, kinda busy...

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