The summer is nearly over, so let us wrap it up with an end of Summer 2012 survey- (oh, goody)

1. Tell me one positive thing that happened this summer?

28. Did you move?

What was the last thing you drank?
Hot chocolate. I so love hot chocolate.

Where's your cell phone?
I just want to say right now that I NEVER get weird calls on my cell because I'm unlisted and I'm on a no call list, but an 800# that reverses back to "Will Kemp" from New York came through earlier, and I'm like ok, Will Kemp wants to talk to me... No, I'm not calling it back. Someone prolly wants to sell me something. If he wanted to talk to me bad enough he'd have left voice mail.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone for more than an hour?
That used to happen every time my dad called, but lately he seems to have himself on an egg timer, and I'm wondering what's going on. You never realize how much you'll miss those calls full of instructions on what to do when he dies, like making sure to yank his gold teeth out with a pliers before the funeral home gets them and so no one will dig up his grave to get them, and I'm all like Dad, I am NOT straddling your dead body with tools and tearing up your face to get the gold, I'll go to jail for murder and senior abuse, and he's all like It's ok, you have the right to do it because I told you to, and I'm all like Dad, I do NOT want the nightmares that'll give me the rest of my life... We have some really fun conversations, they stress me out. I wonder if someone told him I'm stressing out and now he isn't talking to me. My stress is getting very complicated.

Do you know anything about baseball?
I watch Scott run his fantasy baseball teams over his shoulder. I tell him his players are dogs and laugh at what his coworker writes about him and ask him over and over how much money he's going to lose if he doesn't get his rank up. Watching him sweat is a sport unto itself, cracks me up.

Do you prefer to listen to music through headphones or on a stereo?
Headphones, and I'll tell you why. In fact, I've got really expensive headphones that super block outer noise. The last thing I wanna hear when I'm trying to listen to a youtube or some music is people screaming on whatever show Scott is watching, because it's usually bloody and terrible and ridiculous. We get along great because I have these awesome headphones.

Do you use those little kitchen clips to close bags of chips that you've opened?
We don't eat chips. Solves a lot more problems than you think.

If you made your own survey, would it piss you off you saw people giving smart ass answers as if you were asking stupid questions?
Bingo, this survey maker has *issues*. Getting a few good questions, and bam, attitude.

Does the story of the Titanic interest you?
And now I can't help saying that the person who answered these questions before me is one of the single most boring survey takers I've seen in 8 years. ~wow~ I've never seen IQs go in reverse before. I've seen them stall out and stultify, but this one can't be human. Is it possible to epic fail a survey?

What channel do you watch most often?

I haven't been watching tv much lately. I went on this book bender and slammed my brain through 6 of them back to back, most of which were 400+ pages, and tv kinda seems lame right now.

Have you ever voluntarily read the Bible?
I can't tell you how fun it is to know it better than the door knockers who come to my house.

Do you use a lot of slang or do you prefer to speak properly?
"I don't really know." See, this is what I'm talking about. This person is filling out the survey like they're from another planet and aren't quite sure what is being asked of them.

What's your favorite salad dressing besides ranch?
I make my own from scratch. It's nearly impossible to find a bottled dressing ~anywhere~ that isn't spiked with lemon or "natural flavor", even when you get balsamic.

Why is it that pizza always tastes so much better left over?
It doesn't. If you are hungry enough to eat leftover pizza and too lazy to make something better or there just isn't anything else to eat, then yeah, it tastes really good. If you really think about old pizza, it's just stale sweet bread with a few sorta strong flavors on it, which is sometimes more attractive than going to all the trouble of pancakes and eggs, especially if your blood sugar is bottomed out. Left over pizza is an illusion.

Do you like to wear high heels?
I will never, ever forget the first time I saw a girl walking in wedges, way back when they were first invented. She had a hard time walking on chat and getting on the bus, and everyone jeered because they looked so weird. But her family had money and she was on the leading edge of fashion, and the next year all the girls were wearing wedges. Except me. I love my ankles. Ten Reasons to Stash Those Stilettos

Why do you think most teenagers don't enjoy reading?
Um... really? Blanket statement alert. I think the activity of reading has so drastically changed that it's not even the same thing it used to be for a lot of people. Between technology and media driven formula, I'm surprised so many teens aren't doing other things instead of loading the internet up with hundreds of thousands of teen surveys...

Do you enjoy reading? Why?
Having to laboriously read labels because of food allergies is a drag, and the redundancy of retweets and reblogs seems like such a waste, but yeah, I do get a kick out of other people putting words out there for me to find. It's kinda like brain sex.

Is your computer more than 5 years old?
We are finding out the hard way that upgrading to windows 7 suddenly makes our software obsolete. Now I have to pay twice as much for what I need from Print Shop just to get the same amount of product I was getting 5 years ago because the new computer won't interface with it. Oh, that wiley windows 7, I bet all those companies got so excited at the new excuse to boost the market.

Do you think that eventually people will run out of unique questions to ask on surveys?
I will never run out of unique answers, no matter how many times some of these questions are repeated.

How often do you take over the counter pain medications like Tylenol and Aleve?
Almost never. Do you know how many otc pain relievers contain ibuprofen? I'm allergic to that. And acetaminophen can mess with your liver. One of the most common ailments that affect people as they get older is liver problems. Tylenol May Cause Serious Liver Damage

Do you find thongs uncomfortable to wear?
After washing a teenager's thongs throughout middle and high school, I'm so put off that I can't even think they're cute or sexy any more. I also worked in the intimates dept in a big retail chain for several years. I've played with more panties and thongs than anyone I know, thousands and thousands and thousands of them. I think thongs are a gimmick to make money off the self obsessed.

What’s the unhealthiest thing you’ve done in the past week?
I don't know that anything I do or eat could be called unhealthy, honestly. I guess breathing the dust stirred up in the chicken pen. Silly chickens. They were bored, pretending to freak out while they're all excited about snacks is ~*fun*~. Youngsters...

What’s the furthest you’ve gone sexually? Is this more or less than your friends?
The funniest thing about this question is that I really do have good answers and it kills some people that I never say what they are. I know several people who have 'gone farther' doing stupid things than I have because they were nidiots wanting drugs or something, but I seem to be mysteriously more acutely aware of certain details than most people.

Tell us the story of how you met your ex.
It would be a lot more interesting to tell you the story of how it all blew up into the long dark night of the soul.

Have you ever blocked anyone on Xanga? If so, why?
I blocked over 5000 people on facebook just to see if I could. Incidentally, it's impossible to block Mark Zuckerberg, facebook's founder. I tried every which way.

If you’ve never had an orgasm, why not? Are you curious about what it feels like?
I've lived with a back injury nearly all my life that sets off occasional spontaneous orgasms at the worst possible very public times, stories for around the campfire, I guess.

Do you alphabetize anything? (your DVD collection, books etc)
Yes to anything that is set up to automatically alphabetize itself.

When writing essays, do you have trouble sticking to the word limit?
How can I *possibly* hold that down to only 50 pages? What do they want, a ~summary~?!? Yeah, I've had to really work on that.

Are there certain answers to survey questions that make you feel sorry for the taker? (For example Who was your last kiss? I’ve never been kissed)
I've never felt sorry for myself just because a question has been asked of me. Ok, I lie. I plunge into dark abysmal depressions and take days on some of these surveys, because I'm HONEST. I soul search. I face the crap that life dishes out. I've said it before, if you fill these things out correctly, it's like seeing a psychologist.

Do you own any cookery books?
I've stolen a few...

Do you understand people who have no desire to travel?
I don't understand people who are proud to be living on the same little patch of land that the previous 8 generations lived and died on. I'd have thrown myself out a window. And then I'd have gotten up and stomped off, because there probably wasn't a window high enough to properly throw myself out of.

Would you like to receive flowers from a boyfriend, or would you prefer a different type of gift?
I think the nicest gift anyone can give me is peace and quiet. Usually doesn't last very long.

Do music videos affect how much you like a song?
I can't tell you what this one has done for my life.

Do you know a lot about business?
I am really, really good at inventory.

Tell us about something you’ve been worrying about lately.
If I wind up being expected to come back and do another life, I think I'd really like a twin next time. That intrigues me. I'm not stirring up near the amount of trubba I could be, I need a cohort. Knowing the irony that haunts my soul, though, I'm sure that would backfire and I'd wind up being my own worst enemy.

What’s your birthstone and do you actually like it? What’s your favourite birthstone?
I can't keep track of these things, I'm busy digging through youtubes and doing my laundry.

Do you believe that short men are often arrogant or angry to try to make up for their height?
I think men are cool. I wrote that. I mean it.

When falling asleep, do you ever feel like you stopped breathing?
I get the coolest most intense dreams when my CO2 builds up. I don't actually stop breathing, and I don't have sleep apnea. I get too relaxed and take a long time between breaths.

Was your first kiss perfect?
I have never had a perfect kiss. I'm not sure anyone has. Chasing the perfect kiss in our dreams is a brain drug, it gets us through hard stuff.

Exactly what is perfection to you?
If a moment is perfect, you have to let it go as quickly as it came, and it will never come back, or else you ruin it. Perfection, in our minds, is hanging onto that moment, but that's an illusion.

Do you ever feel like you think too much about the person you love?
I wonder what the world would be like right now if everyone thought about the people they love instead of the people they hate.

Are you someone who has to analyze everything?
I've spent a lifetime ignoring what makes other people tick, I'm not about to start now.

Whats the last thing that scared the hell out of you?
Giant spider in my kitchen. Nothing gets your mind off like nearly stepping on a spider as wide as your bare foot. (Wow, this one is old, I wrote that months ago.)

Has anyone ever made you cry just by saying I love you?
This has way deeper significance when you know that person literally cannot say anything else and hasn't been able to have a conversation with you in over two years, and you know it's getting close, and they look you in the eyes and tell you they love you, and you know they mean it, and there are millions of unspoken words that come with it that let you know everything is forgiven and nothing is in the way any more. Yes, you go home and bawl your eyes out. ****Ok, I let this one sit awhile, and I keep coming back and reading it, and it comes across weird and creepy, so I'll clarify a little. My mom died a long slow death from several big strokes that left her very deficit both physically and cognitively. I was not close to my mom growing up, felt rather picked on continually for what none of us realized was Asperger's, never felt forgiven, and never really felt loved, although I'm sure she never meant for that to happen. When she started having strokes there were so many unfinished emotions that never got resolved, and despite the relief I felt that I no longer had to tolerate her unceasing judgement, years of taking care of her and watching her slowly spiral down were anguishing. I learned over that time that nothing means more to our lives on this planet than resolving our relationship issues before it's too late. There is just nothing else comparable to the real meaning of life that goes round and round your head, if you don't get those solved you feel like you failed somehow at why you were here. During her last couple of years I was seeing a psychologist for help with my Asperger's and social skills and whatnot, really eye opening stuff for me, and I began to realize and understand what it must have been like for *her* to raise a child like me. She's not a bad person, but without her own social safety net and support system, she was lost and flying blind, and made ever so many mistakes. My memories of my childhood are fairly tragic in places. By the time she reached her last summer, I was reaching a place where I could let all that go, where I wanted God to erase it all and just make it ok, because we really had made it through our stuff, and I no longer wanted or needed validation or recompense or some kind of understanding or forgiveness. I just loved her and wished I could go back in time and give her lots of hugs and tell her everything was going to be all right. And that is the magic. The last time I saw her awake and somewhat responsive, and I guess this sometimes happens when people with brain problems near death seem to snap back into momentary coherency, she suddenly locked eyes with me and grinned so big like she was not only glad to see me (that had never happened in my life), but like we had a big fun secret just between the two of us. And for the first time in my life, as well, especially with the Asperger's, I locked eyes right back at her and grinned right back, and every bit of it was "I love you, too", no hesitation, no baggage. That moment, as in a previous question further up, was PERFECT. And then I went home and bawled my eyes out, because one moment was all we got. She went blank and never looked at me again, and died a couple of months later.

Who is the last person you pushed out of your life? Why?
I'm not sure if it's so much push as flee. Maybe I push for a reason to be there, I find it so easy to just disappear from people. This has everything to do with when I disappeared off the internet.

Do you have any life changing plans within the next 6 months?
Yes.

Do you have any awkward music downloaded on your ipod?
It's not at all awkward that I don't own an ipod.

How do you feel about the first person you kissed?
I just discovered that the Priceline Negotiator isn't dead after all! I have a thing for William Shatner.

What was the first thing you did on your birthday?
Thanked God I made it this far.

Has anyone left a lasting impression on you recently?
The person I swiped this survey from. I don't have the heart to erase this. "Not really. Like am I supposed to hate Emily's twin? Because she dresses slutty? I don't hate her." It just cracks me up.

As of right now, how do you feel about your future?
Well, if Montgomery Ward can come back from epic fail, anything's possible. We got a little catalog in the mail this week.

Who is the last person you ran into unexpectedly?
Awkward run-ins are my forte. I have a knack for making them especially awkward because I don't mind public embarrassment and humiliation as much as other people do.

Do you think your ex is over you?
I never think about this kind of stuff.

What kind of perfume do you wear?
I'm allergic, wah.

Is it expensive?
And I'm allergic to everyone else wearing perfume. You guys suck.

What was the last songs you sang out loud?

Is sex something special, or just for fun?
Everybody wants to know about my sex life, it just kills people that I won't say anything about how it all works for me. Kinda like when Vulcans go all pon farr, humans suddenly grow antennae and wanna watch.

Are you too sensitive for your own good?
The ironical bit is that, even though the Asperger's has my nervous system wired like I'm tripping through mine fields, I'm often maddeningly calloused and indifferent to other people's emotional needs and feelings.