March 11, 2009

• 10 things idiots do on myspace

   

  It's amazing the things I keep laying around in storage.  This one came through in '06-'07, I think, everyone thought it was funny.  I've wanted to add to it for a long time, so my thoughts are in blue.

   

  10 Things idiots do on myspace!!!
  and they go like this:
  
  ONE
  
  there is NO SUCH THING as a myspace tracker.
  
  it does NOT exist. so quit posting stupid bulletins like
  
  "OH-EM-GEEEEE this WORKS!!!"
  
  no, it doesnt.
  

   

  Actually, yes, it did.  Except the code broke and they had to rewrite it, then it broke again, and then Tom got freaky about linking out and no one figured out that all they had to do was rewrite the code a little themselves for it to work again, and finally the whole thing just froze up.  I was one of those idiots who obsessed over it *that much*, yes.
  
  
  TWO
  
  To the people who have like 25,000 friends,
  
  are you serious?
  
  You're stupid.
  
  Go play in traffic.
  
  

  I like drowning in other people's seas of friends, that way nobody can find me.  Weird Al and Michio Kaku both have millions of friends, and Weird Al still manages his myspace himself.  Some of us idiots out there might just be ~rich~....  Oh, and I was contacted by several professional Johnny Depp impersonators from around the world for free advertising on 3 of my myspaces, which is moot to point out now, I guess, since I've deleted those particular spaces.  So you're just jealous.

  
  
  THREE
  
  Don't ever post pictures and say
  
  "OMG, I'm so ugly"
  
  "OMG, I'm so fat"
  
  because if you were,
  
  you wouldn't post them.
  
  And if u do ur a freaking mongoloid.
  
  

  I posted pix of food, the weather outside, artwork I made, and my chickens.  If you're lurking on spaces where people are so shallow and dull that they only post pix of themselves, you're hanging with the wrong idiots.

  
  
  FOUR
  
  Nobody cares about threats over the internet.
  
  Don't try to act hardcore with the keyboard.
  
  Fighting online is like racing in the special olympics;
  
  even if you win, you're still retarded.
  

   

  I was dragged into a worldwide fan skirmish and received actual threats in person at MegaCon, and even though I technically 'won', I'm far from retarded since I wasn't the one thrown out of MegaCon in front of Kevin Sorbo.  If you think the idiots on the other side of your monitor are 'harmless', you're the retard.  Some of them are menopausal bipolar alcoholics with real money and still take glitter graphics as seriously as 14 year olds.
  
  
  FIVE
  
  Quit crying
  
  b/c you're not on someones top 8.
  
  who cares?
  
  ITS MYSPACE!!!
  
  Stop bitching!!!
  

  Idiots like me don't care where they wind up because we regularly block and delete people anyway.

  
  
  SIX
  
  Who really cares if
  
  I don't accept you as a friend?
  
  MOVE ON!!!
  
  Don't send me another request or message asking
  
  "what's up with you not adding me?"
  
  I don't want you as a friend,
  
  that's what's up bitch!!!
  

  And some of us idiots rarely did the friend requesting, it was more like we couldn't scrape the incomings off.  If you can't handle having fans, fine, just don't have fans, but having to respond to it kinda makes ~toi~ the idiot...
  
  
  SEVEN
  
  Little 6th graders who have MySpace
  
  and look like sluts, and act like whores
  
  go somewhere else
  
  because nobody wants you here.
  
  And nobody wants slightly older idiots with obvious personality problems, either.  Either entertain or get off the net.

  
  
  EIGHT
  
  If you have decided to read this,
  
  you are a true MySpace Friend.
  
  Real friends read their bulletins.
  
  

  Idiots post 20-40 bulletins a day (sorry, that excludes the TAPS team, you all aren't idiots), and I don't think there is such a thing as true myspace friends.  Myspace is like a teaming congregation of lonely exhibitionists, some of whom actually manage to make money or post useful info.

  
  
  NINE
  
  I say you go and pass this on
  
  and maybe it will finally get through people's brains
  
  
  Idiotic bulletins like this will never get through the brains in real need.

  
  
  TEN
  
  And if you open a bulletin and it says something like
  
  "repost this in 100 seconds or a ghost will rape your dog
  tonight, or some dead skinless girl is gonna rape your mom"
  
  QUIT BEING A DUMBASS
  
  
  
  This is a test to see how many people
  
  in your friends list
  
  actually pay attention to you.
  
  
  
  Repost this with..
  
  
  10 things idiots do on myspace
  

   

  Well, without incentive, why should I?

   

   

  Anyway, since xanga seems to be trending down a bit, I thought this one could go here, too.

   

  • 4:19 am
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