Month: May 2008
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our selves
Sometimes I think about what 'self' is, and what it means. I think our sense of self has changed over the millennia that humans have been developing civilization. I mostly think our personal sense of self has been twisted and invaded, and we may not realize we have been encultured to see our personal selves in ways our ancestors may never thought have.Long before the barest of modern civilization, most people were unaware of their own faces. We see faces all around us, but without mirrors, we don't see our own. Can you imagine never having seen your own face? This is true of all species on the planet. Cats and dogs, chickens and horses, cattle and people, none of us are able to see our own faces. For thousands of years most of the people on this planet had no idea what they looked like, excepting to assume they looked like the people around them, or when someone told them how they looked. Back then faces were for more practical things, like seeing, eating, and smiling or frowning. Faces are made to communicate how we feel to others. We can show our disapproval or our glee at a joke. Our sadness is evident on our faces, as well as our joy.Things are very different now. We go to great lengths sometimes to hide our real faces, to turn them into something that others can't see the real us through. We look into mirrors and fix things we don't like, or practice our 'look'. We create our faces to fit what we think they should look like. We judge ourselves daily by the shortcomings we find in our own faces, now that we can see them.I think it's odd that being able to see our faces can make us hate ourselves more, or make us feel more vulnerable, or for some, to feel more powerful. I think it's crap that a few people are becoming billionaires on industries that improve our facial looks. I think it sucks that how our faces look has become such a top priority that we can no longer accept the natural flaws that come with this life, and we go out of our ways to either 'sell' ourselves or hurt ourselves, depending on how we feel about our self images.Can you imagine your dogs and cats acting like that? We breed dogs to have different kinds of faces. Can you imagine your dog being able to be mortified at finding out how ugly it is? It wouldn't matter to the dog that you still love it and think it's the cutest ugly in the world, the dog's self image would be wrecked because it would never be satisfied now with its own face. It would spend its life yearning for a different face and hating itself for looking so dumb. Everything about its behavior would change on how it judged its own face.Some people are born with disfigured faces or big birthmarks on their faces. Some people are born with the most beautiful faces in the world. Most people are born with ordinary faces that get zits and hair and dry or oily skin, and the people in those faces wish they could change something about that, even though every human face in the whole world goes through the same thing.I never thought about my face as a child. I wasn't self aware enough to realize my face was a big deal. When I looked at other people's faces, I saw compassion, or anger, or sadness. I didn't 'see' whether they were ugly or beautiful. I didn't think about who was more pretty or whose teeth were straighter. I went all the way through high school without one smear of makeup on my face. I never dwelled on whether that was good or bad, and I didn't eat myself up with the idea that I might be ugly.I learned in college that a little makeup goes a long way, and I thought it odd that people would respond more politely to me depending on how my face looked, in spite of how polite I might already be myself. I began to notice other people around me, either being treated ill for being uglier than others, or treating others ill for being uglier than themselves. I wondered why it wasn't evident to other people around me that a beautiful face acting ugly looks ugly. This goes for both men and women, any age.It's taken me many years to figure this out, because I'm autistic. I think I may be deeper on the spectrum than some aspies because I was never self deprecating. My sense of self is so far removed from associating it with social judgments that I guess I never 'got' that I was either ugly or pretty. I can be both, actually, I've gotten pretty good at makeup and my hair and whatnot, or I can simply be me and not worry about it. Sometimes I run into other aspies on other blogs who feel a sense of self loathing for not measuring up. I myself felt anger most of my life for others being too stupid to understand *my* point of view, so I'm sure there is a wide range of how we see ourselves in light of others.I feel concerned that so much of a person's self worth nowadays seems to come from a cultural standard based on commercialism. We are inundated with 'pretty people' and the products they either represent or endorse, and that has come to permeate our lives to the point of people obsessing with their looks not just daily, but hourly. What was most shocking was how the emo movement was quickly revolutionized into this commercialism, and now the billionaires are capitalizing on cutting, crying, and starvation, holding it up as cool. Self destruction has become another line of products to spend our money on.People have always felt some kind of shame or disgrace through the many years in many other ways in their cultures, but it's odd now that the notion of self worth is sweeping the world and utterly changing with a simple mirror. Sometimes I think about that and wonder how much it is undermining the real treasure of self worth inside all of us. If our looks are more important than our skills, that's not healthy for society. If the way we judge others and have compassion boils down to how well we can 'sell' ourselves (just look at American Idol, but I boycott that show), then we are a sad human race.Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like if we could all look perfect. Would we finally have peace and honest compassion and empathy for each other? Would gossiping and snittiness disappear? Would we all be content to just enjoy one another for who we are? Would all our problems be solved? Would we finally forgive ourselves?I really like this movie.- 2:46 pm
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the history of me
THE HISTORY OF...
PART 1: YOU
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Were you a planned baby?
- I was so accidental that I actually took advantage of a miscarriage to force my way into this world. Nothing like bumping a sibling off in vitro, eh? haha Actually, I'm sure he was gone before I got there.
Were you the first?
- Technically, I was *born* first. Do I get a prize?
Who was present at your birth?
- My mother was knocked unconscious. I started life on this planet surrounded by strangers in masks and gloves, kinda like a lab rat.
Were your parents married when you were born?
- What the heck, sure. I know, being at the tail end of the baby boomers, that it was way cooler to have been a love child born to flower children, but dang it all, my folks didn't know how to do drugs.
What is your birth date?
- United Nations Day, a day of portent for my birth that has gone largely unnoticed.
PART 2: THE FAMILY
__________________________________
Parents married or divorced?
- They are sorta separated because Mom lives in a nursing home now, but Dad goes on a date with her every day to the cafeteria for lunch. The nursing home staff treat him like a king.
An only child?
- I've always been ticked that I wasn't, no offense to my sibs. I'm sure there's none taken...
If you have siblings are you oldest, middle, or youngest?
- I think we've already established that I was born first. Survey makers really try my patience.
Which parent do you get along with best?
- Wow, was that an option? I got along with *no one*. Dad was ok, though.
Do you have step-parents?
- One can dream.
PART 3: THE FRIENDS
__________________________________
Do you have more than one best friend?
- Scott is my only bff. I'm sure he's thrilled about that. That means he gets to see me at my worst and laugh at me without me slugging him.
What do you like to do when you are together?
- Eat, fuss, laugh at the misfortune of others. Build a henhouse. Totally crack up at the geebers in Walmart.
Do you share the same interests?
- It would suck if I beat him at fantasy baseball, so maybe it's a good thing we don't.
Which friend can you tell everything to?
- Scott's pretty good at letting it all go in one ear and get lost.
PART 4: YOUR PERSONALITY
__________________________________
Do you have a low self esteem?
- My ego knows no boundary. I had no idea there *was* such a thing as low self esteem for many years, and found it difficult to believe it was a real problem for some people.
Do you get depressed about things easily?
- I sorta got depressed when I found out Jupiter probably doesn't have a solid surface, but otherwise I use depression to slingshot myself wildly back into the bizarre.
Are you happy?
- Happiness was invented at the end of the Dark Ages. It's a concept used to sell things to people who feel like they are missing something in their lives if they don't have what they just found out exists, like cinnamon, silk, and chocolate. World wide slavery was born out of the commercialism touting happiness- the more happiness people buy, the more slaves we can use to make more happiness. Fortunately, the industrial age now mass produces happiness so the slaves are free to buy it themselves. Think deeply about this. Happiness is contingent on the moment. It logically can't continue without constant supply of whatever produces happiness. That means you become dependent on others or things 'making' you happy. That means you become helpless to create your own joy and contentment. The right to pursue happiness has caused more personal unrest than just about any other concept in human history. Depression is a soaring business. Are you guys actually thinking about this? Ten thousand years ago no one thought "I'm not happy." Two thousand years ago no one thought "I'm not happy." Life has always sucked on this planet, and if the bugs or weather don't ruin your crops and no one steals your cattle or land and your kids don't die of the plague, you're having a pretty good day. This whole 'happiness' thing is the most ludicrous thing that has happened to humanity, and if there really is a devil, I'm sure he's chuckling about the whole thing. We no longer appreciate joy and contentment because we are not 'happy'.
Do you live life to the fullest?
- I'm doing it right now. I enjoy flinging my brain all over you guys.
PART 5: APPEARANCE
__________________________________
Are you comfortable with the way you look?
- I generally have no idea how I look, and I feel pretty comfortable.
Describe your hair?
- Hilarious.
How do you dress?
- With both hands. Sometimes my foot gets caught and I start to fall over. Are you going to ask how I eat, too?
Were you a strange child?
- I was introduced as 'The Screamer', with polite little laughs among the adults. I got even later by puking.
Do you want to get married?
- Not again. Twice is enough. How old are you? How come survey makers always assume I'm unmarried?
PART 6: THE OUTDOORS
__________________________________
Do you prefer indoors or outdoors?
- I *prefer* outdoors, but I am *stuck* indoors. I go outside a lot in my head.
Right season?
- This is a new angle. Should I infer now that there is a 'wrong season'? The whole last year has been pretty screwed up, I don't know if I could honestly pick one season over another.
Do you like walking in the rain?
- It's hilarious when a romantic couple comes running in from a hailstorm that could kill them.
PART 7: FOOD
__________________________________
Are you a vegetarian?
- I'm a foodatarian. Food is ~good~. Why else was food offered to the gods in all cultures?
What is your favorite food?
- Right now I'm in the mood for something Red Lobstery. My faves change with my moods.
What food makes you want to gag?
- Well, the idea of caviar kinda puts me off, and I will probably never be able to eat bugs of any kind like you see on Bizarre Foods on the Travel Channel.
What is your favorite dessert?
- I'm not a dessert person. I like lemon pie, but that doesn't require a meal precursing it.
PART 8: RELATIONSHIPS AND LOVE
__________________________________
Are you single or taken?
- It's cheaper to list 'taken' on your taxes.
If taken who is the lucky guy/girl?
- I think Scott feels more like I'm a pain in the butt sometimes, but as long as I keep making pie, he says I'm all right and I get the thumbs up.
Do you believe in love at first sight?
- I really had no idea it could happen until I went there myself and saw the ocean for the first time. My heart belongs to the sea now.
Repost this as "The History of (your name)(you can email this to yourself for a copy)- 9:41 am
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end of the world, 2012
You all know the world is supposed to end in 2012, right? Mayan calendar, Nostradomus, biblical countdowns over Israel becoming a nation, etc. The African Hive Queen is coming back, yada yada. And if you watch The Universe series on the History Channel, like I do, you know that all we need is a nearby supernova shooting a pulse right at us and it'll pretty much fry half the earth in seconds.
So my dad's got this all figured out. He's a huge bible and prophecy fan, and strangely misplaced in time, so talking to him is like talking to a relic of old history in itself. He has a great mind, but somehow missed all the new science while he was being a real cowboy in Gunnison, CO, and later farming and trucking the rest of his life. He's 78 now, still only gets the free channels on tv and is wondering why no one is interested in UFO's anymore. Can't convince the guy to get a satellite dish.
So he's telling me he has figured out how all this Armegeddon stuff is going to go down, and I've gotta give the guy some credit, he's pretty good for not having been exposed to much in the way of science (much less science fiction, he doesn't watch or read scifi at ALL), excepting for the tiny blurbs he gets on the very little tv he watches. He has figured out that the U.S. side of the world is going to be fried from the heavens (I told him about pulsars and supernovae after he brought this up, didn't blink an eye because he already knows because he's figured it out). All technology will be knocked out of commission, like a pulse. Thumbs up, Dad, having never heard the word 'pulse' or seen anything on tv remotely leading him to think there is such a thing as being able to knock out all electromagnetic technology. So, without the U.S. super power, and without being able to communicate or use modern military weapons and equipment, the other nations will assemble for war out of fear, going back to their large herds of horses for travel. Parts of China, Arabia, and Russia were all known for their horses. Dad thinks that's how to explain the whole Armegeddon thing, that we really can take it literally because technology will be wiped out.
I have thoughts on this, but instead of rewriting, I'm pulling this over from 2012, end of the world? - Yablo MySpace Blog
Keep your eye on this one. The world is supposed to end around 2012, right? The Mayan calendar stops at 2012, and Nostradamus hinted that there will be huge worldwide catastrophes around 2012 as our earth and sun line up with the center of our galaxy, as seen on the History Channel last week or so as we 'celebrated' the 500th anniversary of his birth. My dad believes it's all true because Jesus said This generation shall not pass away while the fig tree is in flower, or something like that, and points out that Israel became a nation in the 1940's. He says a generation is 70 years, figures it's all over on 2017, and that in 2012 the tribulation will start.Whatever.I have a sociology degree. I've watched the rise and fall of several end of the world scenarios over the decades, and I have only one thing to say about stuff like that.SELF FULFILLING PROPHECY.Saying it and believing it, especially en masse, causes panic. Panic leads to self destruction. Society breaks down over panic. Look at Wall Street.There are plenty of people out there who want this end of the world scenario to happen. They have their beliefs and faiths, or their fears, and they will become very tense and nervous as the next five years cycle through to the 'end'.I'm already giving out advice-- be on your toes, so you can duck out of the way of panic. Some people will start to buy up goods, like they did for Y2K. Some people will increase their drinking and drug use. I believe we will see more and more traffic problems, more road rage, more shootings in public places, more political and religious fervor than we have even now, and possibly more holdups at airports and other public transportation. Those who really believe that the world will end in 2012 or around there will become caught up in every little news media event, blowing it out of proportion and assigning new meaning to it. In about 5 years, I think we'll be seeing some pretty frayed nerves.The dust will settle in 2013. Perhaps there won't have been a rapture. Perhaps us lining up with the center of our galaxy won't really have changed anything. It will be a time of ~Oh~... like when that one guy buried three large propane tanks to get ready for Y2K, and then was stuck with all that propane.So you may see a few price changes in some things, you might see it impact your local grocery store shelves, you might see the cost of housing or beef go up or down. When 2020 gets here, we'll have to figure out a new way to predict the end of the world. This one has been in the making since the Mayans, and for 500 years with Nostradamus. Can only wonder if we'll discover an even more ancient secret out there. Or maybe UFO's will finally reveal themselves to be us from the future, or maybe the economy will crash so badly that the golden age of Hollywood will finally be over. Maybe the media satellites around the earth will be hit by a big solar burst and we'll all have to live with old fashioned local programming again until NASA can hang some more satellites.It is imperative that we all get chickens. We'll need to survive.- 1:31 pm
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I've started transferring my survey posts over to Surveypalooza so people coming in from search engines on mobile devices will be able to see the surveys.
Apologies for the missing vids, another upgrade during the server migration swept through like a scan sweeping through the Enterprise. I'll fix those later, kinda busy...
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- didn't abandon base camp June 4, 2015
- mobile viewing September 2, 2014
- world oddizm day April 2, 2014
- my Shorty Award interview survey March 17, 2014
- Moment of Truth survey January 29, 2014
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- shop till you drop survey May 6, 2013
- Please Don't Bring Merlin Back April 27, 2013
- Do People Really Know You survey April 1, 2013
- the smooshed together survey February 9, 2013
- Fun Myspace Survey January 18, 2013
- New Year Survey- 2013 December 28, 2012
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- Halloween Survey October 4, 2012
- The 'Hard To Answer' Questions - Survey September 14, 2012
- Real Things You Might Not Know About Me September 4, 2012
- 50 Summer Is Ending Survey August 28, 2012
- no idea what to call this stray survey August 21, 2012
- 'not sure why I'm doing this survey' survey August 18, 2012
- 100 Girly Questions Survey August 3, 2012
- Xanga Survey July 26, 2012
- Future Survey July 25, 2012
- Freaking Awesome Survey July 20, 2012
- the Colin Morgan survey July 16, 2012
- 100 fun questions survey July 4, 2012
- 60 questions people don't ask June 24, 2012
- have you ever survey June 19, 2012
- summer survey 2012 June 17, 2012
- simple survey (epic winning!) July 19, 2011
- odd questions survey July 9, 2011
- about me survey July 4, 2011
- human trafficking in our lives June 20, 2011
- Summer Survey from Quizopolis.com June 13, 2011
- just a bunch of questions survey June 6, 2011
- 3 things survey May 29, 2011
- 'no title' survey May 16, 2011
- You Don't Have To Feel Safe To Feel Unafraid survey May 9, 2011
- "THREE" CHALLENGE survey May 5, 2011
- April survey April 28, 2011
- Finish the Sentence survey April 26, 2011
- seasons survey March 7, 2011
- random things about you survey February 25, 2011
- Things I've learned about life from playing solitaire. September 30, 2009
- Trekkies and Freedom of Expression September 15, 2009
- EMP threat- imminent? September 11, 2009
- 10 layers survey September 9, 2009
- surviving health care August 11, 2009
- a tag survey from facebook August 10, 2009
- yay for survey <3 August 3, 2009
- Crazy About You survey July 27, 2009
- Psychoanalyze Yourself survey July 16, 2009
- A to Z survey July 6, 2009
- Random Things survey June 23, 2009
- "in pain" survey June 21, 2009
- Librax withdrawal, are we having fun yet? June 18, 2009
- old survey from 11-11-07 June 17, 2009
- good vs. evil June 16, 2009
- 'Deep Stuff' survey June 12, 2009
- 775 June 10, 2009
- stupid question survey May 30, 2009
- "Call me Jim" May 21, 2009
- back to new Trek ranting =) May 19, 2009
- regulating health care May 19, 2009
- I'm not FDA approved May 18, 2009
- new Trek rebirth, out with the old franchise May 18, 2009
- major spoiler alert, new Star Trek movie question May 16, 2009
- reset- back to default, or new programming?, or, End of the World, mach IV May 14, 2009
- long forgotten survey (or, Let's Get Spocked) May 12, 2009
- Sikes and the Alien Nation April 21, 2009
- 100 things- (egads...) April 15, 2009
- crayon box survey March 23, 2009
- Smile. You'll feel better. March 19, 2009
- 10 things idiots do on myspace March 11, 2009
- top 8 survey March 3, 2009
- process and being February 24, 2009
- sometimes people say 'ouch' survey February 19, 2009
- what's in a name February 16, 2009
- the commercialization of Saint Val February 13, 2009
- Alex Trusk February 9, 2009
- still another survey January 28, 2009
- from old to new survey January 4, 2009
- another survey December 17, 2008
- crip on the loose November 10, 2008
- end of the world, mach III November 5, 2008
- the Barrow series- John Deakins October 27, 2008
- the stupid vs. the catatonic October 23, 2008
- 425 October 21, 2008
- chickens being October 17, 2008
- Not an ordinary survey. (Excellent Spelling and Grammar)! October 7, 2008
- RHPS character quiz September 30, 2008
- If you got a terminal disease what would you do? September 23, 2008
- old survey with no title September 22, 2008
- of horses and ACT scores September 21, 2008
- 15 things September 21, 2008
- 'here it is' survey September 15, 2008
- the accidental soul traveler August 31, 2008
- color personality quiz August 28, 2008
- Seven Circles survey August 28, 2008
- because I'm falling down August 21, 2008
- Lie, Cheat, Steal, Love survey August 19, 2008
- Treat Me Like An Athlete August 13, 2008
- another survey *heelllp meeee* August 7, 2008
- 'puny' blogs August 6, 2008
- I think men are cool August 4, 2008
- Synchronicity II- Reality Unleashed July 26, 2008
- my life in 63 questions July 24, 2008
- Synchronicity, Suicide, and The Eyes July 23, 2008
- Mark Shell July 16, 2008
- What is your stance on religion? Are you a religious person? July 11, 2008
- 30 Unusual ?'s July 10, 2008
- asocial vs. antisocial July 8, 2008
- 2012 Apocalypse July 6, 2008
- self stim July 1, 2008
- overload June 28, 2008
- quizzical quizology June 27, 2008
- get over it June 23, 2008
- popping out June 21, 2008
- 5 things survey June 19, 2008
- summer boredom survey June 16, 2008
- Dad's day June 15, 2008
- survivalists- end of the world, 2012- mach II June 12, 2008
- 'a (sorta) different survey' June 12, 2008
- time as a self correcting system June 6, 2008
- Kevin Bacon game June 4, 2008
- death by tray survey June 3, 2008
- last time survey May 29, 2008
- sudden ending survey May 29, 2008
- mind blindness May 28, 2008
- our selves May 27, 2008
- the history of me May 23, 2008
- end of the world, 2012 May 22, 2008
- question stuff May 21, 2008
- brain spaz May 20, 2008
- not another teen survey May 19, 2008
- trained sheep killer May 19, 2008
- blue on the brain May 17, 2008
- 828 May 16, 2008
- If I Died Tomorrow survey May 12, 2008
- it's your tomorrow May 8, 2008
- "Have U Ever" survey May 7, 2008
- Mother's Day May 5, 2008
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- stimming at work May 2, 2008
- 831 May 1, 2008
- the 'ghost' is back April 30, 2008
- don't tell me I'm broken April 30, 2008
- A Long Dusty Road April 29, 2008
- 40 Things Survey April 28, 2008
- Synesthesia April 26, 2008
- 50 Things About Me April 25, 2008
- about the featured question on charity April 24, 2008
- Licensed to Borrow April 22, 2008
- Blue Rose April 22, 2008
- Self Awareness April 21, 2008
- Double Click on Yes... April 17, 2008
- Totally Mindless Survey April 16, 2008
- Me and Willy Wonka, or, How I Learned I'm Aspie April 15, 2008
- Boredom Survey April 13, 2008
- aspie lovin' April 10, 2008
- autism isn't the end of the world April 9, 2008
- Tolerance in Mental Diversity April 6, 2008
- You May Be an Aspie If... April 4, 2008
- Autism AWARENESS?? April 3, 2008
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