September 15, 2008

• 'here it is' survey

   

  Do you think your mature?
  I suppose it would be immature of me to say I wish you'd spelled it "you're".  I realize that's my own obsessive autistic attention to detail in the big safe world of language usage and spelling rules, not yours (now spelled correctly in another usage form).  I wonder if 'my kind' are the ones who obsess over dictionaries and stuff.  I find that comforting.
  
  Have you kissed somebody in the last 2 weeks?
  Even better!  Scott told me I'm cute!  *fainting*  And don't worry.  He can't spell for beans, either.  He spelled 'depoist' in his checkbook for years until he met me.  I love him anyway.
  
  
  Who was the last persons house you went to besides your own?
  Scott has warned me not to go into the chicken house because there is a big, black spider in there.  I heed his warning.
  
  What’s on your mind?
  I'm thinking this is a virus, and I'm not happy about it.  You know how it is, wobbly, chills, time passing in weird ways.
  
  
  Listening to music?
  The sweet music of Sunday football, the commentators, the crowd, the funny commercials.  ~/~  Ok, now it's the music of pounding on the roof on a Monday afternoon.  I tend to take lots of breaks during surveys.
  
  
  Anything annoying you right now?
  You are annoying me greatly with typos, punctuation errors, and dangling sentences.
  
  
  
  What did you do last night?
  This question always annoys me.  There are 3 questions that annoy me more than any others.  Do I sing in the shower, what color are my eyes, and what did I do last night.  I suppose we could look into why these 3 annoy me the most, but it's simple.  The survey maker is either lacking in creativity, or is a federal agent monitoring the internet via crappy surveys.  Or someone's mom.  Or a pervert.  Or an alien from the Caelum Constellation trying to blend in with the myspace crowd.
  
  
  
  Who did you ride in a car with last besides your family?
  What did I tell you?  They're watching us.  You have to be careful what you say in these surveys or big guys in black helmets will knock down your door and tell you to freeze something.  No one has ever come back alive to tell us what they had to freeze.
  
  
  
  Do you have any bruises?
  I will proudly show off what happens when a person goes sliding down a hill.  Those are out now, btw.  Good question, too.  I might just forgive all the things I said about typos and stuff.  The redness is a staple allergy, in case you are wondering.

   

  

   

   

  
  
  What were you doing at noon yesterday?
  At the risk of becoming entangled in a federal investigation, I was watching football.
  
  
  How long does it take you to get ready?
  Helloooo, aspie on the other side of the universe here.  Let's take the readiness test, shall we?  I can make really nice full blown from scratch meals in 20 minutes flat, I can head out the door immediately if anyone calls about injury or fire, and I'm so ready I actually go back in time a few seconds ripping my clothes off for Scott.  Anything else, you can wait till you croak off.  I don't care.
  
  
  Have you been outside today?
  Let's go see what Scott is up to, shall we?

   

  

   

  
  
  
  The last text you received on your cell was from?
  It's vital to national security that you not know it was my sister.  She's in special training today on *pfft!*  Ow!  That hurt!  Wait...  I'm bleeding!  Somebody, call 911!  Ahhhhhhh!  It's Marwan!  Run for your lives!  Ok, I know, I know.  I just finished season 4 of 24 in my big 24 marathon that is taking over my life.
  
  
  
  Last movie you watched?
  "Coco Chanel" was on Lifetime last night.  I flipped back and forth between that and the Steelers vs. the Browns.  I know, it seems out of character for me, but I retailed for some time, I'm a little bit into fabrics and stats on international goods and services, and I'm actually familiar with the changing trends in women's fashions over the last several centuries because I'm into cultural anthropology and sociology, as well.  So yes, even though I'm androgynous in my khakis and POTC3 t-shirt, I thought the history behind Chanel was cool.

  
  Are you wearing any jewelry?
  Cheap Panama Jack shell earrings that look like a cool mimic on shark's teeth or something.
  
  
  The last place you went to?
  I had a follow up with my doctor today.  Showed her the cool scar still healing on my knee.
  
  
  
  What color are your bedroom walls?
  Who cares?  As long as I don't see a spider anywhere, any color is fine with me.
  
  
  
  What should you be doing right now?
  Taking a nap.  But Scott told me to watch his tools while he runs back to Lowe's for more boards.
  
  
  What do your friends call you?
  Annoying.  I don't generally keep friends very long.  I have a bad habit of being a little too aspie to tolerate.

  
  
  Has anyone ever told you they like you more than a friend?
  I've had quite a few hints, yes.  I usually edge for the door and run like mad.
  
  
  What did you last eat?
  I hope Scott gets back soon because I'm going to fall asleep right here in this chair.
  
  
  Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?
  I sorta wanted a tiny gold band around my lower lip for awhile, but I'm a lip picker, and I probably would've played with the band until I hurt myself with it.
  
  
  Have you ever thought that you were going to marry a person?
  There are so many answers to this one.  Yes, I really thought I was going to marry a ~person~.  How in the world did I get stuck with this Arquillian?

  

  
  
  
  Have you ever had your heart broken?
  I'm so not in the mood for this crap.

   

  "Are you a god?"

   

   

   

  What are you listening to ?
  Scott's back.  He's on the roof again.  See ya, I'm going to get that nap now.
  
  
  
  Have any of your friends ever cried on your shoulder?
  Some of them aren't even friends.  I've had total strangers walk up to me and pour out their life stories.  I seem to be really good at listening, like Guinan.
  
  
  
  How many people on your top aren't virgins?
  The myspace mentality shines through.  I could care less about other people's sex lives.
  
  
  
  Have you ever kissed someone in front of your parents?
  I'm way too old to even care about this question.  Why am I doing this survey?  Oh, yeah, virus.  Wobbly.  Time passing weirdly.
  
  
  Has anyone ever asked you if you had sex or not?
  I'm going to gross you all out.  The first time I EVER had an exam, the doctor actually called my first husband in and asked him point blank if he knew what he was doing, because my hymen was still intact.  Turns out, as I found out a couple years down the road, I'd married a pedophile.  Yeah, nasty.  To this day I have a raging loathing for pedophiles.
  
  
  
  
  Has anyone ever taken pictures of you asleep?
  Scott says I'm cute when I'm asleep because I'm all snuggled up with my head sticking out, but he's never taken a picture.  It's nice to be called cute when you are nearly 47 years old.
  
  
  
  Have braces?
  I'm ready to scoop out the survey maker's brain with a spoon.
  
  
  
  Are your parents still together?
  Vicodin with a virus is kinda weird.

   

  Conversation with Willy Wonka

   

      

  Does anything hurt you right now?
  Virus.  Wobbly.  Time passing weirdly...

  
  
  Is your phone within a meter radius of you?
  Speaking of my cell phone, I finally tossed the old red cover and reinstalled the original blue one, changed the wallpaper to look like I'm going through hyperspace, and turned all my menus purple.  A BETTER question would be how many of you put your cell phone under your pillow so you'll never miss a single text throughout the night?  I know someone who does that, then complains every day that she didn't sleep well.   I made the mistake of doing that only once.  I hit the ceiling like a cat.
  
  
  Who was your last missed call from?
  I miss nearly every single call that comes in.  I refuse to be a slave to a phone.
  
  
  
  Is there a high chance of you going out to the movies soon?
  The older I get, the more wasted I have to be to tolerate sharing my movie experience with a great big roomful of annoying strangers.
  
  
  
  Are you easily scared by horror/thriller films?
  I internalize EVERYTHING.  I reel away from tension in a show like I've been shot.  It doesn't even have to be scary.  You can imagine how many different tv shows and movies I avoid like the plague.  I can't begin to tell you what watching 6 seasons of a virtually nonstop "24" marathon is doing to me.  I was especially glued to Ike coverage because my kiddo is over that way.  BTW, I was watching the Weather Channel when hurricane Ike tossed Mike Bettes into the bushes, laughed my head off.  They bugged him about that for hours.

   

  TWC Storm Alert - Ike 9-12-08 - Mike Bettes falls

   

   

   

   

   

  If you were given $100, would you spend it, or save it ?
  I kinda feel like I could throw up, but I'm not a puker, so I'm wading through the nausea in this surrealistic weirdness.  The opening Monday night football song was cool tonight.  I love that they do that.  Ok, what was the question?  Gee, a hundred bucks.  I'd probably go to a chiropractor, buy some new footies, and go back to bed.  I feel terrible.
  
  
  Where are you right now?
  omg, this was a very disturbing question.  I actually looked around.  I don't even have a fever.  Oh, wait.  I guess I'm sweating.  Ok.
  
  
  What are you doing?
  You know how your stomach gurgles around when you're sick?  I'm doing that.  I'm gurgling.
  
  
  Hows the weather today?
  Fantastic.  Truly amazing.  Nice and autumny.  Sort of.  It's been weird this year because all the rain created a jungle out there, and we're still lush and rain foresty and very buggy.  But the cooler air today was lovely.
  
  
  
  When was the last time you were truly, completely happy with your life?
  Happiness is a feeling.  It's not a situation.  I was born miserable, I grew up miserable, I have survived miserable.  Happiness, if I could actually believe in such a thing on this earth, would be not feeling sick every day.  Happiness would be being able to joyfully move around in the sun without it killing me.  Happiness would be being glad I could easily eat and breathe and actually run and jump.  But I digress.  Happiness is a state of mind.  It is contingent on a situation or other person being pleasing.  Once that situation has passed, which can easily happen at any second, the happiness is over.  According to our constitution, happiness is a 'pursuit'.  It is something unobtainable and undefinable.  We have the freedom to pursue it, but the more we pursue it, the more miserable we become.  Since I was born miserable, I am free of this pursuit.  My only way out is to remain drugged out of my mind, and I reject that.  I choose NOT to be happy.  I choose to be challenged to grind through life with grit and crankiness.  I choose to rise to this challenge without promise of any kind of 'happiness'.  Because there is no one or no thing on this earth that can *make* me 'happy'.  That is something I do for myself.  I have never been happy in this life to be here, but I have felt invigorated by the challenge.  We are not born on this earth to be happy.  I accept that, maybe not very gracefully, but at least I can look the universe in the eye and say I earned my place in it.

  
  
  Could you date someone taller then you?
  Scott let me go with him to Lowe's yesterday to get some boards.   
  
  
  How do you feel about your hair right now?
  I was saying the other day that if the Vikes make it to the playoffs this year, I'm dyeing my hair purple, but shadows of doubt are already being cast.
  
  
  
  Do you believe in love?
  I would not know how else to survive my life if I couldn't focus on that.  I've had to learn to be mean and tough just to take it, but I don't think I'd have the will to survive if I didn't have something or someone to love.  It's funny, I knew even as a young kid I'm in love with being alive.  I love seeing the world, I love watching other people, I love figuring things out.  If I didn't have that inside me, the emptiness would kill me.  I tell people in despair to find something, ~anything~ that you love, and cling to it.  Don't let go of loving something or someone, even if you never get it back.  People who survive the hard stuff are the ones who don't freeze up in self doubt and self pity.  We see beyond the pain and trauma to what we love.  This is me on the left in one of my rare outings with one of my sisters.

   

  

   

   

  
  
  How old do you want to be when you have kids?
  I'm enjoying the empty nest thing now.  It's pretty cool to have so much freedom back.
  
  
  
  Is there something that has happened in your past that you really hate?
  I could dredge a few things up, but I think it's pointless.  Hanging onto a list of what I hate is pretty shallow.

   

   

  • 9:59 pm
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