1: Have you ever shaved in the kitchen sink?
Yes, I have had an emergency leg shaving panic in the kitchen sink. It's amazing how bendable a woman can be when time is short.
2: Does anything hurt on your body?
Geezy creezy, boy, are you asking the right person for this one...
3: Have you ever driven home drunk?
I graduated to driving around on cocktails of prescription meds. Gotta keep life interesting. Note to drunk drivers-- you really need to stop that.
4: When was the last time you cried?
About 7-8 hours ago. Scott thought it would be a good idea to catch Terabinthia on the $1.99 pay per view special. I think there should be warnings up on movies like that.
Because it sucks when a kid dies and you spend the last half hour of the movie in horrible tortuous flashbacks and deep thoughts and emotional pain when all along you assumed the ending would be about them being grown up years later.
6: How many keys are on your key chain?
Oh, good lord. But I will admit I worry that the house key is getting a bit bent up after 14 years.
7: What are they for?
Ok, this is where we begin to plot the survey maker's death...
Yes, I am making a poster right now that says "Death to Random Things survey maker!!!"
10: What do you want to eat?
Hmm, odd that you assume I want to eat something at 2:52 a.m. And tonight was the time change, so in the kitchen it's nearly 4:00. And it's funny, really, because I usually am munching something or thinking of food when I fill these things out. Right now I'd be apt to eat anything that would get rid of this weird headache. I've already had children's cherry flavored benadryl. Why does that not come in orange, or blue raspberry? Don't say "or grape", because I hate grape.
11: What do you want to buy?
Sex, but Scott laughs because he knows I don't get a paycheck. So I'm reduced to having to either torture him or seduce him, and he's getting very good at finding ladders to put against trees to stand on top of with a chainsaw. Bet that would change if I waved a couple hundred dollars in his face.
12: When was the last time you had alcohol?
I had port wine cheese spread on bistro crackers with white grape juice before I went to bed a few hours ago. I think this survey maker is a drinker, this is the second alcohol question.
15: What's the latest time you have come home this week?
Oh, let's see, I think it was around 1 or 2 in the afternoon. I don't get out much.
16: Give one hint about the person you like/love.
This is one of the more strangely worded commands I've seen. Ok, one hint. Um, he's a root beer float/orange smoothie kind of guy.
17: Do you like someone?
I love it when questions are out of order, like, just throw a dart or something. Yeah, I like a guy who I hinted likes root beer floats.
18: Who was the last person you saw with their shirt off?
The guy I like. I whistled. He had sawdust all over his shirt and had to go shake it out off the deck. Yes, the ladder in the tree with the chainsaw thing was real.
19: Are you friends with any gay guys?
I keep telling Scott he's gay because he peels me off and says "Get off me, woman!" whenever I get too affectionate. I also keep telling him that he's going to look back on this in ten years and wish he'd gone after a little more when he had the chance, because once he hits 60 I'm probably going to look at him and go ~ew~.
20: Whose birthday is closest to today?
Crap, I missed my birthday.
21: What do you want for your birthday?
Well, dang, if I have to wait another year now, I may as well just tack it onto the Christmas list.
22: Did you go to prom this year?
*Kill* *survey* *maker*, who is obviously a teenage alcoholic.
23: What do you need right now?
The person before me wrote "pain meds". rotf Let's see, I need, um, SLEEP. You'd *think* with all the meds I take that say "may cause drowsiness" that I'd be a little more supine.
24 : Write something that describes a situation you are in:
I just realized what I'd really like right now is a bowl of Honey Comb cereal, but we don't have any. I wonder what else I can find... Hang on, be right back.
26: Have you ever wanted someone you couldn't have?
I've always wanted to raise exotic peafowl. I especially like the all white ones. They look like lace when their feathers are spread out.
27: When was the last time someone flirted with you?
A couple of ladybugs woke me up this morning with their tiny little feet. I wasn't kind.
28: Have you ever seen a shooting star?
When a meteor burns up on a trajectory right toward you, you don't go out looking for shooting stars.
29: Have you ever hung out with someone you can't stand?
I can't help the violent aggression I feel toward spiders.
31: Have you ever had Chipotle?
I'm pretty sure chipotle would kill me.
32: Who was the last person to text you?
I'd like to see Uri Geller use telekinesis to text message.
33: Do you get scared when you run into your exes?
I haven't run into any exes in at least 20 years, but it helps that I'm on a different planet.
34: What are you looking forward to?
Sleeping in this morning, if I ever get back to sleep.
37: Who is most likely to call you at 2:00 in the morning?
I think everyone is pretty cool with the concept of leaving me alone at 2 a.m., lest they suffer gruesome consequences.
39: How many pairs of sunglasses do you have?
Three pairs of clip ons, plus I have the photo brown stuff on my glasses. I keep as many unnecessary photons as possible from slamming into my eyeballs.
40: What did you do the last time you were home alone?
I must have taken a nap, because I don't remember much else. That was the day that I first doubled my lyrica and drove around a major highway bombed out of my skull.
41: Do you ever wanna know who you're going to marry?
I'll probably never get married again if anything happens to Scott, so I won't be peeling any apples on the second crescent moon and throwing the peel over my left shoulder for a divination session.
42: Have you ever watched the Real World?
43: How much cash do you have on you?
Scott gave me his loose change, so I'm up to about $5 now.
44: Do you need to buy gas?
Scott filled the tank, I'm good, thanx. Were you going to offer me money or something?
45: What's your favorite fast food place?
You mean like my fave place to shun until it's absolutely imperative that I drop my defenses and save myself from starvation when I have perfectly good food at home just 20 minutes away?
46: What's the third and seventh texts in your phone?
Nada. Last time I looked, there were only two. So there.
48: Do you crush a lot?
I feel compelled to watch Willy Wonka youtubes, yes.
49: Are you tan?
Only in teeny spots.
50: Are you upset with anyone?
Nope, but I have gas from the lyrica.