Month: June 2009

  • Random Things survey

    Another oldie but goodie from 11-04-07 while I work out why my twitter app isn't showing up for me.
    Random things

    1: Have you ever shaved in the kitchen sink?
    Yes, I have had an emergency leg shaving panic in the kitchen sink.  It's amazing how bendable a woman can be when time is short.

    2: Does anything hurt on your body?
    Geezy creezy, boy, are you asking the right person for this one...

    3: Have you ever driven home drunk?
    I graduated to driving around on cocktails of prescription meds.  Gotta keep life interesting.  Note to drunk drivers-- you really need to stop that.

    4: When was the last time you cried?
    About 7-8 hours ago.  Scott thought it would be a good idea to catch Terabinthia on the $1.99 pay per view special.  I think there should be warnings up on movies like that.

    5: Why?
    Because it sucks when a kid dies and you spend the last half hour of the movie in horrible tortuous flashbacks and deep thoughts and emotional pain when all along you assumed the ending would be about them being grown up years later.

    6: How many keys are on your key chain?
    Oh, good lord.  But I will admit I worry that the house key is getting a bit bent up after 14 years.

    7: What are they for?
    Ok, this is where we begin to plot the survey maker's death...

    9: Really?
    Yes, I am making a poster right now that says "Death to Random Things survey maker!!!"

    10: What do you want to eat?
    Hmm, odd that you assume I want to eat something at 2:52 a.m.  And tonight was the time change, so in the kitchen it's nearly 4:00.  And it's funny, really, because I usually am munching something or thinking of food when I fill these things out.  Right now I'd be apt to eat anything that would get rid of this weird headache.  I've already had children's cherry flavored benadryl.  Why does that not come in orange, or blue raspberry?  Don't say "or grape", because I hate grape.

    11: What do you want to buy?
    Sex, but Scott laughs because he knows I don't get a paycheck.  So I'm reduced to having to either torture him or seduce him, and he's getting very good at finding ladders to put against trees to stand on top of with a chainsaw.  Bet that would change if I waved a couple hundred dollars in his face.

    12: When was the last time you had alcohol?
    I had port wine cheese spread on bistro crackers with white grape juice before I went to bed a few hours ago.  I think this survey maker is a drinker, this is the second alcohol question.

    15: What's the latest time you have come home this week?
    Oh, let's see, I think it was around 1 or 2 in the afternoon.  I don't get out much.

    16: Give one hint about the person you like/love.
    This is one of the more strangely worded commands I've seen.  Ok, one hint.  Um, he's a root beer float/orange smoothie kind of guy.

    17: Do you like someone?
    I love it when questions are out of order, like, just throw a dart or something.  Yeah, I like a guy who I hinted likes root beer floats.

    18: Who was the last person you saw with their shirt off?
    The guy I like.  I whistled.  He had sawdust all over his shirt and had to go shake it out off the deck.  Yes, the ladder in the tree with the chainsaw thing was real.

    19: Are you friends with any gay guys?
    I keep telling Scott he's gay because he peels me off and says "Get off me, woman!" whenever I get too affectionate.  I also keep telling him that he's going to look back on this in ten years and wish he'd gone after a little more when he had the chance, because once he hits 60 I'm probably going to look at him and go ~ew~.

    20: Whose birthday is closest to today?
    Crap, I missed my birthday.

    21: What do you want for your birthday?
    Well, dang, if I have to wait another year now, I may as well just tack it onto the Christmas list.

    22: Did you go to prom this year?
    *Kill* *survey* *maker*, who is obviously a teenage alcoholic.

    23: What do you need right now?
    The person before me wrote "pain meds".  rotf   Let's see, I need, um, SLEEP.  You'd *think* with all the meds I take that say "may cause drowsiness" that I'd be a little more supine.

    24 : Write something that describes a situation you are in:
    I just realized what I'd really like right now is a bowl of Honey Comb cereal, but we don't have any.  I wonder what else I can find...  Hang on, be right back.

    26: Have you ever wanted someone you couldn't have?
    I've always wanted to raise exotic peafowl.  I especially like the all white ones.  They look like lace when their feathers are spread out.

    27: When was the last time someone flirted with you?
    A couple of ladybugs woke me up this morning with their tiny little feet.  I wasn't kind.

    28: Have you ever seen a shooting star?
    When a meteor burns up on a trajectory right toward you, you don't go out looking for shooting stars.

    29: Have you ever hung out with someone you can't stand?
    I can't help the violent aggression I feel toward spiders.

    31: Have you ever had Chipotle?
    I'm pretty sure chipotle would kill me.

    32: Who was the last person to text you?
    I'd like to see Uri Geller use telekinesis to text message.

    33: Do you get scared when you run into your exes?
    I haven't run into any exes in at least 20 years, but it helps that I'm on a different planet.

    34: What are you looking forward to?
    Sleeping in this morning, if I ever get back to sleep.

    34: Why?
    Although I admit 4 hours of sleep is better than nothing, I'm likely to be far less inefficient tomorrow on a couple more.

    37: Who is most likely to call you at 2:00 in the morning?
    I think everyone is pretty cool with the concept of leaving me alone at 2 a.m., lest they suffer gruesome consequences.

    39: How many pairs of sunglasses do you have?
    Three pairs of clip ons, plus I have the photo brown stuff on my glasses.  I keep as many unnecessary photons as possible from slamming into my eyeballs.

    40: What did you do the last time you were home alone?
    I must have taken a nap, because I don't remember much else.  That was the day that I first doubled my lyrica and drove around a major highway bombed out of my skull.

    41: Do you ever wanna know who you're going to marry?
    I'll probably never get married again if anything happens to Scott, so I won't be peeling any apples on the second crescent moon and throwing the peel over my left shoulder for a divination session.

    42: Have you ever watched the Real World?
    No, I don't care about the Real World.  Ha, love a good pun.

    43: How much cash do you have on you?
    Scott gave me his loose change, so I'm up to about $5 now.

    44: Do you need to buy gas?
    Scott filled the tank, I'm good, thanx.  Were you going to offer me money or something?

    45: What's your favorite fast food place?
    You mean like my fave place to shun until it's absolutely imperative that I drop my defenses and save myself from starvation when I have perfectly good food at home just 20 minutes away?

    46: What's the third and seventh texts in your phone?
    Nada.  Last time I looked, there were only two.  So there.

    48: Do you crush a lot?
    I feel compelled to watch Willy Wonka youtubes, yes.

    49: Are you tan?
    Only in teeny spots.

    50: Are you upset with anyone?
    Nope, but I have gas from the lyrica.

  • "in pain" survey

    Time for another summer rerun!  This one was done way back on 11-24-07 near the beginning of what was to wind up being a hellish 6-week CMV infection that went into my liver, although at this point in time we had no idea.
    Looking back over this survey, I can't tell if I'm being sarcastic and think it's funny or what.  It's weird looking back on something and remember being in the moment, and then seeing it from outside the moment.   I just know my pain level went to 50 (Princess Bride) several times this weekend.
    1. What's one thing thats heavily weighing on your mind?
    Day 4 on antibiotic:  We've deteriorated to exploding into unstoppable coughing spasms within a minute or two of dozing off throughout the day and night, even sitting up.  Robitussin for cough and cold suspiciously making it worse.  Resultant fibro in neck up to skull and slamming headaches when I cough no longer responding to skelaxin.  Full blown occipital neuralgia on top of it will soon be turning me into a slavering werewolf, despite the codeine.  I'll try not to eat Scott when I morph over.  If I suck on one more cough drop I'll have to kill Willy Wonka.  Throat spray only helps when I miss and hit my eyeballs or nose or whatever.  Glands still extremely tender, throat still sore.  Scott wants me to go back to the doctor.  Thus concludes my 9th day since onset.  I'm ready for morphine.  If this were 100 years ago, I'm pretty sure it would kill me, if I didn't run screaming into the woods first and plunge off a little cliff onto some rocks.  I'm ready to drink the entire bottle of vanilla and then move on through the almond, mint, and orange flavorings.  Don't laugh.  A couple of those bottles are 80 and 90 proof.

    2. What's one thing you've learned from a good friendship gone bad?
    When you run into someone in a mall or library 5 years later, and you find out the email or phone number they swapped you isn't any good, you wonder why in the world did they act so happy to see you again in the first place.

    3. What's one thing you've learned lately from love?
    True and abiding love is not expecting your husband to sit up and baby you through # 1.  True love is telling him not to feel guilty and to go on to bed.  True love is realizing that two crabby people during a health care mess is not a fun ride, and that when the tables are turned, I'll want to go to bed, too.  Oh, MAN, I'll want to go to bed.  I've got several days of sleep to catch up on as he gets this coming on.  He says his chest is hurting now...  :edit later:  He says now it was just heartburn.  Go figure.
    I just looked this up.


    Should I Call My Doctor?

    In most cases, you don't need to see your doctor when you have a cold or the flu. However, if you have any of the symptoms below, seek medical advice.

    • A cold that lasts for more than 10 days
    • Earache or drainage from your ear
    • Severe pain in your face or forehead
    • Temperature above 102° F
    • Shortness of breath
    • Hoarseness, sore throat or a cough that won't go away
    I'd call that a big yes...  I have the first 3 and the last one.  Don't know what else a doctor can DO for me, except maybe tranquilize me.

    4. Is there anyone special in your life in general at the moment?
    Besides kleenex?  My ears are starting up a jihad, so we need to get past this mushy stuff.

    5. What's a happy time you've had in the past week or two?
    Let's see...  Ah, yes, the sweet nostalgia of rediscovering Vicks.  It's worthless, actually.

    6. Is there anything in your past that you'd like to try again?
    Do you mean do it again now at this age?  I'm not really getting any bites here.  My brain is in the kitchen humming to itself.  Last time I saw it, it was nestled in the paper pile by the blender.

    7. Who do you like to spend most of your nights with?
    I spend ~all~ of my nights with Scott.  He keeps showing back up after work, and I keep making stuff for him to eat.

    8. Are you an emotional person?
    It's hard to tell.  I went into total aspie freak out last night, which I haven't done in quite awhile, after a super nasty coughing fit in the middle of a dead sleep, and I was on the floor rocking and crying and flapping my hands and not making a lot of sense with Scott while I dealt with unbelievable pain.  To other people, THAT looks like I'm terribly upset.  To me, it's not actually feeling an emotion so much as being so overwhelmed that I lose control of my logic center and my brain scrambles for neurological feedback that it can hook into and get around the other stimulations.  About ten minutes and I was ok.  It was kind of odd because that was the first time Scott had actually seen me blow completely out after knowing me for 17 years.  I held so much in while I was raising the kids because I didn't want to scare them or weird them out, because we didn't have a name for all that until quite lately, and I didn't know it was actually normal behavior for me.  So actually, this is the first time as an adult that I've been able to get feedback on my behavior, and amazingly, Scott was real open and calm about it and didn't try to interrupt the process or snap me out of it.  I asked him if he'd seen me do any of that before, because I usually don't notice when I do, and he said yes, in bits and snatches over the years when I'd get stressed, just not all at once before.  I told him when I was a kid, Mom would shake me and yell at me to stop because it scared her, and I never understood what I was supposed to stop, exactly, so I learned to just don't move at all around her.  I grew up being a really stiff person in school and church and everywhere because I was afraid to move and attract attention to myself, because my mom would freak out.  Scott said he noticed that I am like that, like I'm really tense.  And I was like yeah, if she'd just let me be weird and touch things and flap and rock and all that stuff, I'd easily be a happier person all my life, because that's just how I de-stress.  It didn't bother him one bit.  All these years I've been afraid to 'act out' in front of my own family, and he's fine with it.  He couldn't believe how much that affected my whole life, having to feel like I couldn't even fidget in public and holding myself so still any time even one person walked into a room.  I'm very different now since I found out I fit in a particular sort of normal.  Much more relaxed.  Funny how long it took to find out I'm really ok.  Anyway, it's hard for me to tell sometimes if I'm being emotional or not when others might think I look like I am.  I hold a lot of reactions back over simple things like misunderstandings and being surprised and stuff, and sometimes I go ahead and react and I seem angry and look angry, but I don't always feel angry or upset as much as just a little flustered.

    9. Are you self conscious?
    As per # 8, you would think I'm terribly self conscious, but I'm actually not very self aware at all.  I know this sounds incredible, but there have been times I've actually forgotten I still have my pajamas on and caught myself putting my shoes on to go somewhere in the car.  Even to church.

    10. Do you think of others before yourself?
    Constantly.  It's kind of automatic after spending so many years feeding and cleaning up after other people and taking care of them when they're sick.

    11. What's something that can always make you feel better?
    I can't tell ya how badly I would love to have even just a two hour nap tonight that is blissfully uninterrupted.

    12. Who was the last person you had a crush on?
    13. Where do you see yourself this time next year?
    Good morning.  I started this survey Thursday evening.  This is now Friday.  Day 5 has started off much better because I actually slept last night.  Well, that sentence looks dang optimistic, so don't get the idea I'm cured.  Let's just say at this point the whole werewolf thing is less likely now.  As for next year, I don't know whether to hold my breath or just give up and laugh.  I would so love to feel better than I have this year.

    14. Do you tend to make relationships complicated?
    I can jump into anyone's whining and quell any complications that arise, but thankfully, I really don't do that very much.  Everything boils down to a few simple variables, and the reason they become complicated is because things get overlayed with stuff like guilt, pressure to conform or change, selfish whining or insecurities, making excuses for someone being abusive, stuff like that.  When you strip away the passive aggression and learned helplessness, the path becomes clear.  If you don't like the path, you just cover it back up and quit whining about it.  Yes, as you can imagine, no one comes to me for advice.  My children claw the walls to escape, and everyone else ran away screaming a long time ago.  It's a peaceful existence, rarely being dragged into soap operas.

    15. Who do you feel the most comfortable around?
    Scott tolerates me amazingly well without question and helps steer me when I go a little too aspie, and I've come to I trust his judgment completely, so I hope the rest of our marriage is something he never regrets.  I wouldn't trade him for any other guy on the planet.

    16. Is there something that you're waiting for?
    I'm trying to wait patiently to feel better.  I slipped up a little yesterday and got kinda crabby and whiny.  It's very challenging to act nice and sweet when you don't feel well.

    17. One thing you're not looking forward to?
    I've got a pile of dishes looking at me every time I walk through the kitchen.  Normally that doesn't bother me, but I feel so crappy that I can barely keep up with the house at all lately.  That really gets me down.  Scott has decided that we ARE putting up a tree this year, a little one on the kitchen table to put in the bay window, so we've gotta clean off the table today, too.  After 6 hours of sleep for the first night in a week or more, I'm hoping a nap is possible, and that I don't get crabby during Scott's Christmas tree enthusiasm.  Last year we all missed Christmas completely because Twinkles was in the hospital for 11 days, and we nearly lost her.  The holiday was very depressing.  I think this year Scott wants to feel the ol' fun come back, even though he's been saying all year that we're taking the year off, and even though he's griped through every single Christmas we've ever had in this house.  He's a funny guy.  I think he would love to be jolly and really enjoy it, but there are so many memories over the years that get in the way.  He has a love/hate conflict thing with the whole season.  Me, I'm just tired.  I've been too run down all year to feel enthusiastic.

    18. How do you feel about change?
    I resist all change that I can't personally control.  It's an aspie thing.  I've gotten better about it through the years, though.

    19. What are you most looking forward to?
    I think I'd really like to try going back to sleep after I finish my breakfast.  Scott is out shopping a little with Twinkles, the house is quiet, my coughing seems to have subsided a bit...

    20. What are your plans for your next birthday?
    I never make plans for my birthday, unless it's to feed people.

    21. Do you even care about your birthday?
    Not any more.  Cake is always good, though.  Good thing there are birthdays so we can have cake.

    22. Do you think anyone in the world loves you?
    I think everyone does, they just aren't always clued in to that.  I've noticed that people who are easily irritated by me are easily irritated by other things, as well, so they drag around their own stuff.  I don't take it personally.

    26. Why do you drive the car you have right now?
    White sorta looks storm trooperish, and I like it.  For me, white is the 'new black' ever since Star Wars came out.  And at the time it fit me pretty good. I've driven old junky cars all my life, that one was the closest I've ever come to nearly new and fairly nice.  In the nearly 10 years since then, it's getting a little junky itself, but it's still my baby Lamborghini.

    27. Have you ever seen your best friend cry?
    He tries not to let me, but I've seen it, yeah.  It takes an awful lot to devastate him, but once it happens, he's a real lone wolf type.  I am one of the privileged few who has seen a couple of tears here and there.

    28. What kind of vitamins did you take as a kid?
    Don't talk to me about vitamins as a kid.  While other kids took a Flintstone, I had handfuls of junk stuffed down my throat.  I'm sure I came pretty close to vitamin A toxicity one year during one of Mom's delusional driven spells to cure me of something imaginary and show the world ~she~ knew more than the doctors who shrugged me out the door.  When you know the difference between stearates and oxides in mineral molecular construction at the tender age of 12, among many other bits of health food store trivia, you're a little too immersed in the vitamin culture.  And I'm here to tell you, vitamins *do* *not* *stop* illnesses like diabetes or lupus.  Mom gambled and lost.  She went into a nursing home before she even hit 65 and is already so deficit she's not much more than a vegetable, and she's not even 70.  And my adult life has been pretty miserable with illness.  So if you're cramming vitamins down your kids' throats, lighten up.  One Flintstone a day is plenty.  And I don't mean to insult anyone, I'm just saying if it adds up to more than 40 pills a day, that's a tad excessive.

    29. Did you get any compliments today?
    Scott noticed I'm a tad perkier and gave me some nice hugs before he went shopping, and said he'd be back as soon as he could.  That, to me, is better than compliments.  His concern is the best feeling I get in the whole world.  And I bet he brings me back a surprise of some kind.  :edit later:  Yep, he bought a set of various little Christmas candles.  Unfortunately, my nose is so plugged, all I could smell was a strong glue smell all evening after I lit a little red one called "Christmas Eve".

    30. Are you friends with your neighbors?
    I normally show up for food, but this year was just too rough for that, between being so sick and their personal problems.

    31. What were you just thinking about?
    I really should go try laying down now while I have the chance.  See ya.

    32. Name the places you have lived in?
    Ok, that was nice.  I think I got a little over an hour of light dozing with no coughing.  Still feel incredibly tired and weak, and now I have a microwaved potato in front of me.  All the places I've lived, eh?  I'm just not in the mood to dredge up my whole life right now, sorry.  But I will say NW New Mexico and SW Missouri.  How's that?  And if you've been around, you know those are like night and day.  Both are in my heart and soul.

    33. When was the last time you drove more than 15 minutes?
    3 days ago.  Geez, I live outa town, I have to drive at least 20 minutes just to get to the closest Walmart and doctor.  3 days ago I drove about 120 miles round trip to see my mom.  I used to do that once or twice a month, then it got to every other month, then every 3 or 4 months, then twice a year, and now it looks like I'm just about to the annual point because my chronic fatigue has gotten so bad over the years.  Seems like every time I plan a trip out I either get sick or wiped out.  This time I made it come hell or high water because it's possibly the last Thanksgiving I'll see her.

    34. Have you ever had a crush on your sister's/brother's friend?
    I am SO glad I've never had a crush on a 'local'.  All my crushes are unreachable, which keeps me out of a lot of trouble.  Maybe it's the Asperger's, but I very rarely crush on people I can actually smell or touch.  I really dig Scott, but I'm otherwise terribly asexual, another byproduct of the Asperger's.  I just have no interest in sharing myself with other people like that.  If you've never heard of this, or wonder about yourself or a friend, here's a couple of places to start.  And don't assume asexuality and Asperger's always go hand in hand, because they don't.  The key word is 'spectrum', ~all~ our brains are on a spectrum of developmental and chemical types.

    35. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
    I haven't looked in a mirror yet.  Last night I got the flashlight out and looked at my throat in the mirror.  I've had all kinds of sore throats, but this one was different.  I didn't get the usual tonsillitis or strep or all the other stuff, and it didn't even look very red or swollen until just lately, but man, it has hurt like heck all week.

    36. When is the next time you will make out with somebody?
    I'm having such a wave of weakness, I've gotta go lay back down.  I spent the last 3 days unable to really lay down and almost completely sleepless because I was drowning in phlegm, so I guess I'd better do what my body tells me right now.  It would be cruel of me to force it to stay up just to do this survey.  Later, taters.

    37. What's a word that rhymes with "LUCK"?
    Hello again.  Not even sure why I'm here.  I can't get over how weak I am today.  I remember some years back, maybe around 20 years ago, both my parents got pneumonia or something, and, neither one a big doctor fan, they stuck it out at home.  It took 6 weeks for them to get as back to normal as they were going to get.  I cannot even imagine feeling this weak for 6 weeks.  Wait a sec.  I was this weak with the Bell's Palsy.  I was actually worse.  But this is different, the Bell's didn't involve my lungs at all, but it knocked my nervous system offline.  I discovered awhile ago one of the glands on the side of my neck is getting kinda hard.  We used to raise goats, and anyone familiar with goats knows that they get swollen glands all the time, and in goats, the glands literally rupture and drain, very gross.  Yes, it ruptures toward the outside, so there is a big lump of hard stuff under their skin high on there neck just behind the ear, about where my swollen gland is, and it eventually ruptures and drains and then heals up.  Goats seem to pick up every little virus out there and can get just as snotty and gross as any human, but I never saw any of that slow them down.  They didn't lay around lethargically malaised, like I'm feeling.  But then, I never saw a goat get a lung infection, either.  Anyway, I think I'm going to go back to the couch.  I was able to eat a little and putter a little trying to clean off some of the kitchen table for the tree later, but that lasted about 10 minutes in very slow motion, so I thought sitting here would help me rest.  I guess I was wrong.  It's 2:00 right now, maybe I can get another little nap in.  See ya.

    38. What's your favorite planet?
    Nunchuck.  Answer to last question.  It's after midnight now, so we're heading into Saturday morning.  Had reached a point where I actually thought the coughing was about done, but around 10:30 it all came back, and nothing is stopping it.  I could literally sleep with my forehead on my arms at this desk and cough in my sleep.  Anyway, favorite planet...  I think I answered this in another survey and forgot what I wrote.  I think it may have been a fiction planet from a book or tv show, so it's anyone's guess right now.  I think I coughed my brains out.

    39. Who's the 2nd person on your missed calls list?
    I don't think I've missed a call in days.  Everyone knew I lost my voice, so no one is calling.

    41. What shirt are you wearing right now?
    Wow, same shirt as the last time I was asked this in a survey.  Don't worry, it's been through the washer since then.

    42. What do you "label" yourself as?
    Right now, "puny".

    43. Name the brand of shoes you're currently wearing?
    I don't like wearing shoes in the house.  I need my freedom.  Besides, it's nearly one a.m.

    44. Bright or dark room?
    My monitor is trying to turn pink again.  Aside from that and a very small lamp, it's dark in here.

    45. What do you think about the person who last took this survey?
    I nabbed it off a bulletin from someone I really don't know, but the answers seem to be short and sorta boring.  Once in awhile I see a glimmer of thought, but not often.  I don't know how these people can put so many surveys up on bulletins and keep being so boring.  I'm not saying I'm a genius, but these things could be a lot more stimulating if someone really had a go at it.

    46. If you're alone in a room with two beds, which one do you sleep in?
    I'm on the couch again tonight.  I can't see putting Scott through all this torture.

    47. What were you doing at midnight last night?
    Working on this survey... a long and arduous task while one is sick.

    48. What did your last text message you received on your mobile say?
    People who answer questions like these aren't the sort of professionals who can keep client info to themselves, like a private eye or psychologist would.  It's strange to me that people are so ready to blurt out other people's words to them.  If I had gotten this survey off a friend or relative and had seen an answer right off the phone, I'd be less inclined to text them in the future, knowing they'd so freely share anything I privately say with a whole list of strangers.
    It's weird when surveys end on unrounded numbers, but I guess it's better than trying to reach a number and the questions getting stupider and stupider trying to fill up space.

  • Librax withdrawal, are we having fun yet?


    I guess it's about time for one of those 'where am I now' posts.  Besides discovering BLATOs (BLT with avocado and onion), renewing my out of county library card (50 bucks), and cruising the farmers market, I'm on the roller coaster from hell.   
    Yep, getting off another medication, and doing it all wrong.  When doctors and pharmacists blow you off for 20 years with "it's a safe drug" and "you're on a very low dose", and then the FDA gets involved and your insurance company stops paying and you're suddenly stuck with paying double for half as much, you sorta take stock and make a few decisions.
    Such as, Hey, I'll just chop the dose in half.  The doctor says ok, be careful, here, take some xanax while you're at it to help you get off it.  Xanax?  I don't understand.  I *don't like* xanax.
    So, I didn't take the xanax.  And I didn't stick to the plan.  I started having some really bizarre off the wall crazy withdrawal problems and freaked out, decided to get off the medication all together.
    NOT a good change of plan.
    Common sense says that once something's out of your system, you're home free, right?  WRONG.
    Probably need to insert here that I was diagnosed with lupus and severe fibro 20 years ago, have minor complications that are slowly grinding my life to a crawl, and since I finally had to quit work in '06 I have been on a quest to better myself via healthiness.  In doing so I've gotten off handfuls of meds and see very little difference now in my quality of life for doing so, even though 20 years ago they probably saved my life at onset.  I feel I've been extremely lucky not to have ever been hospitalized, but I think my doctors would see it more as me being extremely stubborn.
    And my stubbornness is doing me in this time.  I finally spent a really bad night on search engines, after a realization dawned that I might still be in some kind of weird withdrawal.  Guess what.  It's called "protracted withdrawal".  I got through the profuse sweating and severe bloating, got through the days-long uber intense migraine, got through the blood pressure drops and spikes (everything from 96/64 to 150/95, very unusual for me since I'm on a very stable BP pill), got through the weird pain spikes down my back and legs and around my neck and shoulders, even got through the freaky bug crawling all over me sensations, and the stinging and biting sensations that made me jump outa my sox.  I got through ALL that.  But-- it wasn't ~going away~...
    The stuff I found on search engines convinced me to get back to a doctor.  The withdrawal can go on for months because the brain receptors have been changed, and there is even danger of seizures for some people, and no way to tell if and when and who.  Egads.
    By now some of you are going Geez, what medication was this???  I'm sure a lot of you out there are using Librax for various digestive problems associated with all kinds of illness and disorders.  I was only doing two pills a day.  How in the world could getting off that stuff be so traumatic?
    An ingredient in Librax is chlordiazepoxide, which is in the benzodiapezine family.  Xanax happens to be in that family, too.  I didn't know this stuff until I read about it.
    So, it's gonna be a long summer.  The doctor I saw yesterday convinced me to step up the xanax (0.25, smallest dose), of which I was taking only half a day, to taking it 3 times a day.  I was commanded to take the whole pill each time.  I have severe pill phobia after so many years of med reactions and withdrawals, so I've compromised, and I'm taking a half xanax 3 times a day.
    Even that small amount is amazing.  Withdrawal symptoms were slashed almost immediately.  Still courting the headache, so I have a feeling I'll increase the xanax a little more if I can't handle it, but at least I'm not on the edge of my seat ready to head to the ER any more.
    Another withdrawal problem I'll have to watch are body temp regulation problems, i.e. the possibility of heat stroke (heat index this week is 98).  From what I read in those links, withdrawal can last anywhere from 3-6 months, or even up to a year for some people, regardless of whether the dose was low and how short a time a person may have been on it.  The key to all this is brain receptors.  They don't automatically reset back to default just because the medication is out of the system.  Some people's receptors are never able to reset back, and they are dependent on controlled addiction all their lives.
    I hate pills.  I have always hated pills.  This one pill was my last standby, the one that always got me through no matter how bad anything else was.  I had severe IBS (related to the lupus and fibro) in my 20's, more controlled in my 30's, and now in my 40's I've figured out what triggers it, so I'm not having a problem with wanting to be off this pill.  No doctor or pharmacist EVER told me this pill would be a problem and a real bitch to deal with if I ever wanted off it.  Not even the printout says "This medication will change your brain receptors and will require very careful medical supervision if you ever stop taking it."  I have had more pain and physical problems trying to get off this medication than ~anything~ the lupus and fibro ever dished out.  Although it was a godsend at the time I needed it most, I really really wish someone had sat down with me and discussed the consequences of taking this pill.
    So to everybody out there with digestive problems, this is what I've learned, and hopefully you won't go through what I'm going through.
    I'm not lactose intolerant, nor do I have celiac disease, or many other problems related to digestion.  I was checked for cancer as a baby, had ulcerative colitis by the time I was 6, and have spent my entire life in severe digestive pain.  I've learned what triggers it and how to avoid it.
    These things are bad for me and make it worse.  Gum, mint, chocolate, cinnamon, 'hot' spices, raw fiber, raw dough of any kind (even cookie dough ice cream), anything with high fructose corn syrup, soda pop of ANY kind, coffee, alcohol, smoking, too much hidden salt, pastries, too many vegetables, fruit juice of ANY kind, citrus in any form, some herbal teas, rich dinners in restaurants, big salads, I think you're getting the picture.
    I have an easier time if I eat a very wide variety of foods and rotate them.  For instance, one meal very plain and bland in between other meals, never repeat a tomato or tomato product two meals in a row, home cooking so I can control the ingredients, limited sugar and salt, vegetables cooked soft, limit meat to smaller portions and keep the meat simple, i.e. a steak is preferable to meatloaf, fry foods in canola or olive oil, avoid orange juice and lemon pie all together, don't snack all day long so my stomach can rest, eat smaller portions and do 4 small meals a day...  Sorta like putting the Mediterranean diet, diabetic diet, cancer diet, and several other diets all together.  It's like the closer the food you eat is to the farm, the easier time your stomach will have with it, as long as you don't pile it in till you're stuffed and remember to rotate a variety through all the time.  Like, don't eat rice 3 meals in a row.
    I've never known why I have all these digestive problems, but they could be related to having Asperger's, and they could also be related to being a CF carrier.  No one else in my family seems to have digestive problems like this.  I've had many tests, all negative, they keep saying all my tissues are very healthy, so I guess the hypersensitivity and pain are just something I have to live with.  I guess IBS problems are fairly common, there seem to be a lot of people out there dealing with stuff like this, including medication problems, so I hope this post is helpful.
    :edit: 6-19-09
    I will be looking into high salicylate foods.  Got this message, and I think it will be very helpful.

    If you haven't done so already, you might really benefit from checking out alienrobotgirl's blog and giant collection of information at the Plant Poisons and Rotten Stuff site (not on xanga, but a quick google search should turn it up). She's been exploring the connections between food intolerance (your list really does look like a salicylate-intolerant's nightmare), fibromyalgia, autism-spectrum disorders, and thyroid, among other things. She herself is an aspie with fibromyalgia and multiple food intolerances, thus her interest in the topic.

    If anyone else is looking for more info and interaction on this, there is a post at Tomato Sauce Makes Me High | autisable  Hope this helps anyone else who is having similar problems to mine.
    Ok, other 'where am I now' stuff.  My closest video store doesn't have Sliders for rent at all.  I'm going to call around, and if I can't find one within 30 miles, then I'll dig through my old VHS tapes and watch what I've got.  Can't afford to buy the series at Best Buy, so that'll have to do.

 photo surveybuttonsm.jpg

I've started transferring my survey posts over to Surveypalooza so people coming in from search engines on mobile devices will be able to see the surveys.


Apologies for the missing vids, another upgrade during the server migration swept through like a scan sweeping through the Enterprise. I'll fix those later, kinda busy...

click tracking
since 3-5-14

Site Meter

Subscribe in a reader

Subscribe to Bluejacky by Email

Who is the Existential Aspie?

disclaimer- I am not compensated for linking and sharing. I share what I like when I feel like it.

my stuffs

Still waiting for a tweet widget update.

 photo dotcomlogojb.jpgdotcom

 photo yablo.jpg YabloVH

GrandFortuna's League of 20,000 Planets

 photo spazz.jpgjankita on blogger


View Janika Banks's profile on LinkedIn

 photo tumblr_button.jpg

Follow Me on Pinterest


Pinky Guerrero
LogoThere are
or fewer people named Janika Banks in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

my friends

Eric's blog  photo keepingconscious5.jpg

Dawn's blog  photo dawnsnip3.jpg

Vicki's blog  photo tryingnottowobble.jpg

Anonymous Aspie  photo aspieland.jpg

Fae & Friends  photo faeampfriends2.jpg

myke's place  photo syfydesignslogo.jpg

Nerd Movie  photo nerdmovie.jpg

Front and Center Productions  photo frontandcenterlogo.jpg

Kirill Yarovoy  photo revivalcomingsoon.jpg

Little Lexx forum  photo lexxboredbutton.jpg

Lexxzone on Tumblr  photo lexxzonelogo.jpg

June 2009
« May   Jul »

Everything I've got on this blog