August 4, 2014

  • yes, I know I suck, you’re welcome

    I totally know I suck. I have blogged about how I suck as a friend for years. Every little bit I put out reminder posts. Last year I tried to tell someone I’m not good at this, sooner or later all my friends walk away, and I’m especially horrible about not being a phone person. I’m aspie, this is how my heads works. Well, I agreed to at least try, but I did say that would be my last attempt at having a real friend again, the kind of daily friend that is privy to all the secrets and mood swings and real life stuff.

    During this friendship I was told I couldn’t talk to certain people and was strongly ‘encouraged’ to unfollow and even block them on my many media. I had to apologize several times for simply just talking to other people. I was cajoled for not responding in a timely manner in public I can’t say how many times, so I developed a habit of continually checking the feed to show ‘support’. Soon that habit turned into my time becoming more and more occupied by this person’s interests (not mine) until I was spending ten hours a week watching tv shows I really didn’t have time for and hanging out in private discussions instead of talking to my own husband, children, sisters… I noticed an imbalance in the force- it was ok for my friend to get upset at the drop of a hat, but not ok for me to do that. It was ok for my friend to make demands, but not ok for me to need extra help. Unless I somehow fit into my friend’s preset conditions, I wasn’t allowed to be myself at all, and the times I tried to cross the line and at least explain I was gotten after like I was a child. Just drop it. Don’t do that. Don’t be like that. Drop it.

    I’m aspie. It’s impossible for me to ‘drop’ someone’s incongruity.

    Sure enough, something happened. I had a problem with another person that got me very upset, and instead of the support I thought I’d get, I got instructions to be quiet, more or less brush it under the rug, ignore it, keep playing along. After being told who I couldn’t talk to and had to unfollow in order to show support, my friend completely ignored that I was treated badly and not only kept up appearances, but went out of her way to ‘snuggle up’ with the offender, as it were. If I had done that…? All hell would have broken loose all over my head. And after what this friend confided to me in private over the last year, I was truly surprised, because I was privy to some pretty strong feelings about this other person at different times. That she kept playing along in public was a complete ruse. Until this happened. Suddenly she became the queen of her public with this person. I was walked right over like I didn’t even exist. Wow.

    I spent about three weeks thinking about what I want to do about all this so I can move past it and get back to my own path. That’s what aspies do, we THINK about things. I don’t go around stomping on people’s heads and bombing them with my feelings. I know feelings are transient. I know I hurt people when I have big feelings. I usually wait till the big feelings go on by so I can think more clearly about what is going on. And personally, I think a couple of people that I’ve been hanging out with kinda suck themselves.

    I’m so horrible that I finalized unfriending/unfollowing the other person on all my media on Friendship Day. I didn’t realize until later that happened, but when I did realize it I got the giggles. My lot in life is to monumentally screw things up without realizing it. I’m a natural pointer outer of incongruity, and I’m forever stepping innocently into the offensive without a thought or a clue. How more perfect could it be than Friendship Day.

    My friend recently announced she has found a new friend, someone so special that she hobnobs with celebrities, someone who will talk girl talk with her on the phone for a whole hour. GOOD! Live and be well. Maybe I can move on now. Maybe now she’ll stop stalking my feeds and retweeting/sharing everything trying to get my attention with notifications (that is a bizarre head game I really don’t get) and maybe she’ll even stop making offhanded comments about #amwriting NOT a blog, as if blogging is for the little people. I tried for a solid year to get her back into writing after she blew up with a prominent internet scifi magazine. She eventually just told me 1- she doesn’t care if she never writes again, and even said 2- she thinks it’s ok if she drinks herself to death. Our private hangout became so dismal I could barely function. I know severe depression when I see it, and I knew *I* can’t help her. I put a stop to the private stuff to force her back out of her hole, and look at her, she’s out now and being glorious. You’re welcome.

    I don’t care any more about nurturing private friendships, the pattern of which I keep seeing actually means enabling other people’s depressions. I don’t mean that to sound as awful as it looks. I actually care a great deal, to the point of sacrificing my own life, time, relationships, and my own writing. Friendships exhaust me. I was never in my childhood carried or pampered or even worried about in all the misfortunes I’ve gone through, I’ve spent my adulthood in some pretty rotten places, and I’m grateful I’m in a position to thrive now. The only friend I’ve ever truly had is my husband, and I’m good with that. If my friend has found another friend that can plug into exactly what she needs the way she needs it and be happy doing it, *yay*.

    I think my overall point is that I’m not going out of my way any more for other people’s heads while mine gets walked on. And one more thing. There are people in this world who’d have given an arm or leg to have me that much to themselves in private. I’ve had to peel people off in the past, but this time I was determined to really try to be a good friend. You know what? I suck. I’ll thank the rest of you take note. Yeah, that’s right, I might just suck enough to blog about you on my aspie blog.

     

April 2, 2014

March 17, 2014

  • my Shorty Award interview survey

    shortyawards

    I know this might be a joke to a few people, but I was nominated for a Shorty Award this year in the blogger category, sweeeeeet. I’m new to all this and still rounding up all my stuff, nowhere close to being named a finalist, so I think it would only be fair to copy my most famous survey EVER over to my survey blog to do it even more justice.

    THE SHORTY INTERVIEW WITH JANIKA BANKS

    What inspires you to tweet?

    The challenge of squeezing big thots into teeny tiny boxes is exhilarating.

    What’s the most memorable Snapchat you’ve ever received?

    I could say it’s none of ur biz & I’m not telling, which would still be true enough. I haz no snapchat.

    Can you name some one-of-a-kind Twitter accounts that you follow?

    @GhouliaChilds is the coolest dark food porn, @TheTweetOfGod & @StayPuft & @FailSign all rock, @XplodingUnicorn coolest blog posts

    Who is the funniest person on Twitter that you follow?

    Jon Hendren @fart is my secret twitter fetish at 3 a.m. when I can’t sleep, I lay there stifling giggles.

    johhendren

    What was the funniest trend you’ve seen?

    #superbowlblackout THAT. WAS. AWESOME.

    How has social media improved your life?

    I’m not alone anymore. All y’alls are in my head with me now.

    What’s your best tweet?

    Current top favstar- Carl is getting Daryl hair, won’t be long till he starts carrying a little crossbow #TheWalkingDead pic.twitter.com/IJryi2lEmU (click pic to see original tweet with photo)

    darylhair

    Who’s your role model on social media?

    Jenny Lawson @TheBloggess, the coolest weird chick on twitter, awesome blog & hilarious book.

    bloggess

    Who do you admire most for his or her use of Twitter?

    @StayPuft That is one crazy marshmallow.

    staypuft

    Twitter or Facebook?

    I saw something the other day about twitter & facebook getting married & having kids. I say bon chance! I’m not a side taker.

    How do you imagine Twitter changing?

    Sometimes I hear tweets in Stephen Hawking mode. I think that would be cool.

    As a parent, coach, or role model tell us: How do you use social media to help others focus on all that is good in their lives? Don’t forget to submit a nomination for the #KeepGoodGoing award!

    FOCUS! WORK!!! >=l Like that. I’m really good at getting to the point.

    What are six things you could never do without?

    Benadryl, lip balm, sox, hot chocolate, my chickens, & TWITTER.

    Why should we vote for you?

    Bcuz this is hilarious, & if you do I might give you one of my very special ultra rare #FF poems.

    Why’d you start tweeting?

    Specifically, to follow what was happening live with Merlin filming in Pierrefonds in France. I LOVE TWITTER. (Click the pic to read more.)

    camelot

    Who do you wish had a Twitter feed but doesn’t?

    Everyone who tries to DM, PM, & text me individually wanting info or pix. I made my life public for a reason.

    Terms you wish would start trending on Twitter right now?

    Really hate to jinx myself & say #BradleyJames bcuz it would def happen if he croaked ironically during filming or something.

    swag

    What’s the most annoying social media trend?

    Not posting pix of something ppl go out of their way to say is amazing. Phone is in ur hand, ur RIGHT THERE, tweet a pic, how hard is that? (I’d like to amend this with STOP TWEETING SPIDER PIX!!!)

    What are some big Twitter faux pas?

    Retweeting other ppl’s porn, spam, & hate, especially now that RTs infiltrate list feeds on phone apps.

    What question are we not asking here that we should?

    The obvious- would we like brain chips in our pets so they can tweet & we can see what they’re thinking? YES.

    cat-at-computer

    What’s the wildest experience you’ve had via social media?

    Can’t tell ya, it’s going into the book. For reals.

    How will the world change in the next year?

    Sharknado 2 will complete Syfy’s conquest for world domination.

    sharknado2

    How much time you spend online?

    If I dream about tweeting & blogging is it real? What if this whole thing is a dream? What if I wake up & the Shorty Awards don’t exist?

    Is there someone you want to follow you who doesn’t already? If so, who?

    If Wil Wheaton followed me I’d be set for life. (Click this pic to follow his wife on twitter. I love her hair here, so I pinned it, in case you wanna repin that.)

    wilbomb

    What feature should Twitter add?

    Time travel. It would be easier to go back to last May than find a mobile tweet in my history that isn’t documented properly in my archive.

    What’s the most interesting connection you’ve made through Twitter?

    I tweeted a pic of the Tenth Doctor reading a book & tweeted that it was From Eternity to Here by @seanmcarroll & he RTd me #favephysicist (I just originated that hashtag on twitter, woot!)

    readingissexy32

    readingissexy2

    What will the internet be like in 50 years?

    Seamless with no interface probs & something so entrenched in our lives that we can’t live without it continually. Too bad I’ll be dead. (I’ve actually made preditions about future internet here and here and several other places that I’m not going to dig up right now.)

    In what ways do you waste the most time on social media?

    I was once told to stop wasting time filling out silly surveys & posting them. LOOK AT ME NOW, NYAH, NYAH >=D

    Hashtag you created that you wish everyone used?

    #MerLexxian originally for Merlin & Lexx fans but now it’s more about Pinky being a weirdo. (This is now a registered mashtag because I’m a crazy weirdo with a twisted sense of mangled ego. If you click that you go to an awesome twubs page that you can join.)

    twubs22

    How do you decide what to tweet?

    I think the bigger challenge is what NOT to tweet.

    How long can you go without a tweet?

    I’m up to 8 hours between tweets now. Before Christmas, Vizify had me gauged at round the clock tweeting 24/7 bcuz sleep disorder. (I just hacked this code, we’ll see how long it works.)

    www.vizify.com

    Video trailer showcasing Pinky Guerrero’s Twitter.

     

    via Vizify
    (That Tony Solo guy keeps popping up in my twitter apps. No idea what’s up with that. *cough* snarkalecradio *cough*)
    How do you make your tweets unique?

    I elevate the mundane to speshul party status.

    What is the weirdest or most inappropriate place you’ve ever made a social media post from?

    I accidentally walked into the men’s restroom in Walmart while I was tweeting & @mattyboy5150 laughed at me. (Click this pic to check out his IMDB page.)

    mattw

    Which family member do you wish was on Facebook? Which do you wish wasn’t on Facebook?

    I wish my dad was on facebook so he could see it’s not a magical place that we all automatically get with our computers.

    What do you wish people would do more of on Twitter?

    I wish people on twitter would tweet pix straight from their phones instead of sharing from instagram, bcuz extra clicks & time to view.

    What are some words or phrases you refuse to shorten for brevity?

    I refuse to shorten Doctor Who for the sake of brevity. Everything else gets slaughtered.

    Ever get called out for tweeting too much?

    Everyone I know is grateful I tweet bcuz I stopped writing 10,000 word emails.

    What is one of the biggest misconceptions of Twitter?

    Ppl think I’m addicted to my phone, it’s more like I feel like I’m part of the Borg now, all those voices go thru my eyeballs into my head.

    targofborg

    Why should people follow you?

    People should follow me bcuz I read every single bio & learn where they are from, & list them into appropriate groups for more interaction. (I am very serious about this, and I periodically post images from TweepsMap because I love maps and graphs. This is from today.)

    tmwheel2

    What will the world be like 10 years from now?

    I’m hoping we’ll have brain implants & tweet hands free, & get software downloads & upgrades in our sleep. Tech interface is slow right now.

    How do you use Twitter in your professional life?

    I use twitter to gauge live response vs search engine response, & list merging as a growth mechanism to drive more traffic thru links. (This is actually true, when I’m not being silly and winding up in twitter jail. Click to follow my jail account.)

    guidospock

    Has Twitter changed your life? If yes, how?

    Twitter’s made my life BETTER, depression is easier to deal with, get real time news faster, laugh more, watch TV w/ ppl around the world.

    Instagram, Vine or GIF?

    GIF bcuz it pops right up in the feed without having to click and load.

    What’s the funniest celebrity tweet you saw in this past year?

    Funniest celeb tweet- @Gary_R_Graham mocking @AdamBaldwin & he replied w/ My Little Pony pic with his head on it saying I set fires to feel joy. (Ok, so maybe it was 2012 instead of 2013, but really close.)

    ad1
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    140 characters of advice for a new user?

    Noobs can do whatever they want as long as they don’t bomb my DMs. That goes for wizened biz ppls as well, don’t be a nidiot with DMs.

    How do you pronounce GIF?

    The first time I saw “GIF” I thought it was an acronym for a mathematical function.

    Have you ever unfollowed someone? Who and why?

    I unfollowed a filmmaker with 42K followers bcuz he spammed my TL with porn going on in his house. Perv.

Apologies for the missing vids, another upgrade during the server migration swept through like a scan sweeping through the Enterprise. I'll fix those later, kinda busy...

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