June 3, 2008

• death by tray survey

   

  1. Who ended your last relationship?  
  The library.  I am plotting my revenge.

  2. When was the last time you shaved your legs?
  Running through a clover patch full of bees is always a close shave.

  3. What were you doing this morning at 8am?
  Dang it, here is where I finally get nabbed on that stupid shower question that always shows up in surveys.

  4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
  Playing with an eyebrow hair.  Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have hairs like that all over your body?  Scott has this one eyebrow hair that grows nonstop, like a rodents teeth.  I like to yank it out when he's not suspecting anything.  He really hates it when I do that, and has become very protective of that hair.

  5. Are you any good at math?
  Sometimes I count commercials just to see if it's the same between every set of breaks.  It's not.

  6. What were you doing last night?
  I was making hot chocolate from scratch in a mug, like you do, and lost control of the cup and fumbled it like an idiot till drops of cocoa-sugar were spattered all over the microwave, my shirt, the floor, the cabinets...

  7. Do you have any famous relatives?

  I have a cousin who I have *heard* is working diligently toward hopefully becoming a Surgeon General to the United States.  Seriously, I'm not making that up.
  
  8. Have you ever burped in front of the opposite sex?
  The 'opposing' sex really dislikes it when I eat my cucumber in the house salad at a restaurant and then burp.  He seems very sensitive to burped cucumber odor.  So I do it on purpose.

  9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace page?
  I have a song on myspace???

  10. Last thing you received in the mail?
  We're wondering why in the heck a package of baby formula arrived.  There has never been a baby in this house, and the only person we know who is pregnant smokes pot because she's an idiot.  Since we see her maybe once every 3 months, this is a mystery.

  11. How many different beverages have you drank today?
  It's odd that you ask that.  Earlier today I was getting another glass of water and suddenly realized that here it is summer, it's HOT outside, and I haven't made any ice tea in at least a month.  Talk about an aspie-sized brain spasm.

  12. What's one thing you wish to change about yourself?
  I think it would be cool to be able to float out in space without dying or suffering for it.

  13. What do you wish for?
  Yesterday I was wishing that SciFi would run those old Tremors series reruns.  You wouldn't believe how many Burt Gummer tributes there are on youtube.

   

   

  tremors music video "overkill"

   

   

   

   

   

   

  Hardware Store - Tremors

   

   

   

   

   

  14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
  How can you draw names in sand?  You do that with straws.  Sticks.  Rats, my structure is degrading to the survey creator's method of transforming ideas by misusing common language structure.

  15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?

  
   

  Little Shop of Horrors - Dentist Song

   

   

   

   

  My sister and I went to a dentist during middle school who got caught doing unnecessary work and ruining people's mouths, and he committed suicide by crashing his biplane into a cliff.  True story.

  16. What is outside your back door?
  You never know when you're going to see a raccoon sitting on top of a duck pen, so you'd better run the place like a military compound.

  17. Any plans for Friday night?
  We used to plan everything around Stargate Atlantis- race to town for groceries after work and come screaming back just in the nick of time.  Now we go out to eat and sit around looking at our watches thinking how dull things are, reminiscing about the good ol' days on Friday Prime.

  18. Last time you had an erotic dream?
  Those are the most terrifying dreams in the world.  There is nothing grosser than waking up ready to puke at how ridiculously stupid ~that~ was.  Kinda sends you reeling through your day.

  19. Do you have a secret crush?
  It's pretty hard to keep this guy a secret.

   

   

  Eddie Izzard

   

   

   

  20. Do you keep in touch with your exes?
  We haven't seen our ex-duck since we let him go in a city park near a lake.

  21. Do you dislike anyone right now?
  I usually hate the survey maker by now, but oddly enough, I'm really enjoying this one.

  22. Something you are excited about?
  I'm always excited to see new tributes to my most fave ever South Park episode, "Make Love, Not Warcraft".

   

  South Park WoW "Live To Win" (edit- I had to replace it)

   

   

   

   

   

  23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?
  I've been avoiding jello since I was a kid.

  24. Are any of your great-grand parents still alive?
  I fear some of them may have been reborn back into the family and are now getting even.

  25. Describe your key chain?
  You know those cool keys they make that are all different colors?  I've thought about buying a few just to have on my key chain.  I wouldn't even have them cut.

  26. Last romantic rendezvous?
  Rendezvous would be an awesome name for a little kid.

  27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large crowd?
  I figure if someone is hitting me from Singapore, I probably need to turn the volume down.

  28. What kind of winter coat do you have?
  Ok, now the survey maker is running out of steam.  Always happens sooner or later.

  29. Dane Cook is.....?
  The definition of 'dane' is being from Denmark.  Is this a new trend?  Will first names like 'Welsh' and 'Dutch' start showing up?  Sure leaves your kid wide open to be called a cheese danish with a name like that.

  30. Can you tie a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue?
  I used to watch people do dumb things, like try this and wind up choking on the stem.  It's hilarious every time.
  

  • 12:20 am
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