40 Things You Have NOT Been Asked In A Survey... Promise!
1. Do you know anyone in prison at the present moment?
Prison is sitting behind a hotel desk being screamed at by a crazed lunatic banging a cane on the desk and threatening to come over the top and strangle you at 11 p.m. when all the rooms are sold, no one else is around, the weather out there sux, and he's gotta drive another 30 miles to find a hotel that isn't booked solid, with whiny kids and a nagging wife. Prison is walking around in a free country being afraid of people hurting you.
2. Have you ever logged onto a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush's myspace?
I've been asked by other people to log into their pages to fix codes and stuff, which is awfully trusting of them. But I could care less about espionage. Other people try to break into my sites, I just laugh. They need to get lives.
1. Do you know anyone in prison at the present moment?
Prison is sitting behind a hotel desk being screamed at by a crazed lunatic banging a cane on the desk and threatening to come over the top and strangle you at 11 p.m. when all the rooms are sold, no one else is around, the weather out there sux, and he's gotta drive another 30 miles to find a hotel that isn't booked solid, with whiny kids and a nagging wife. Prison is walking around in a free country being afraid of people hurting you.
2. Have you ever logged onto a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush's myspace?
I've been asked by other people to log into their pages to fix codes and stuff, which is awfully trusting of them. But I could care less about espionage. Other people try to break into my sites, I just laugh. They need to get lives.
3. When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly?
I no longer eat peanut butter and jelly, since I've internalized the fear my sister feels about her young son coming up allergic to peanuts.
4. Do you have a desk in your room?
I hate this survey already.
5. Have you ever gotten naked at a party?
I'm in a very bad mood, and this survey is NOT helping. I will tell you a true story, so you can see how lame this question is. I was once invited to a 'party' while I lived in Phoenix, years ago. I arrived to find a bunch of boys getting wasted on beer and pot, and they said more people were coming, but I seemed to be the only girl. Here, try this... So I'm sitting there smoking something that's wacking my brain out in seconds flat and noticing they're all watching me, like a pack of little wolves. Ah, boys with lots of evil experience. At least 20 of them, and I'm so wasted I can barely move. So I realize I have to make a decision before I pass out and get gang raped. I have to find a way OUT that doesn't get me tackled, right? And I'm thinking all this in slow motion, wasted off my gourd, attempting to string along a single line of thought and stay focused. First step. I say, Hey, I need another beer. They say we're all out. I had a feeling they'd say that. I go Oh, that sux. Next step. Stand up... Kinda wobbly. I made it. Wow, I'm standing up. Cool. They're all looking at me a little disappointed. I was supposed to be unable to do that. So I say, Hey, I'm gonna go get some more beer. And nobody opposed this, so my next sluggish thought was make it LOOK REAL. So I dug around my pockets, kinda stupidly, wasted, and said, Hey, I'm out. Somebody give me some cash. They actually dug through their pockets and came up with a total of $6 to hand me. So far so good. The reason this is working is they're all minors and I'm not, or I never would have got this far. One of them is saying maybe we don't need any more beer, but I insist in my lovable sloshy wasted way, and even had the bright idea to ask someone to come with me. Everyone stepped back, they're all loaded, too, and there's no way they're going to get caught and go back to juvi or something. Next step-- walk. omg. That was the hardest acting I'd ever done in my life besides facing my ex-husband down with a gun to my head. Put one foot there, don't tip, one more step, don't tip, negotiating steps, oh crap, don't flip over the rail, and the boys are all staring at me going out the door. Made it to my little pickup and actually told them I'll be right back while I waved goodbye. I have no idea how I got out of that parking lot without hitting another car, made it to 3rd street trying to drive straight and watch my mirror at the same time in case they followed me. Made it to my apartment somehow and literally crawled up the stairs. Not sure how I made it in my door. So the answer to this question is- No, I never got naked at a party, but I did rip some people off escaping one.
6. What kind of car do you have?
I've always wondered if a car might have been named Speedo if swim wear hadn't nabbed it first.
7. Are you named after one of your parents or grandparents?
What parent gives their child the same name of their sibling's child??? I was given the same name as a cousin. I've always felt peeved at the lack of creativity going into that one.
8. Can you walk a straight line when you're sober?
*aspie kills survey maker...* See, I have no idea if this is a really bad error in sentence structure, or some kind of weird irony that's supposed to be amusing.
9. Do you ever throw up gang signs?
Ok, that's it. I HAVE answered this in another survey, word for word. *aspie mutilates survey maker's corpse*
10. Have you ever broken a rib?
>=( I just killed you, and you ask if I've ever broken a rib... Does that mean on me or someone else? You dork... I once walked around for two weeks on a broken foot, double spiral twist of a long toe bone. Happy?
11. Would you rather be a girl or a guy?
Thank God, we've got vicodin seeping into a migraine. Now for some Hershey's kisses and a cup of hot tea. I think I might just live through this. Ironically, my mug has a skull and crossbones on it and says "Dead Men Tell No Tales"
12. Who is the most spoiled person you know?
Jaizzy
13. Would you rather have a million dollars or true love?
I've answered this one twice before. I think I'd rather have you on a stick. Ok, wait-- first Hershey's kiss is in my mouth now. Nix that. I'll take ten bucks and some new sox. I'm easy to please.
14. Have you ever had sex in church?
This survey maker has had sex in church.
15. Is your boyfriend/girlfriend a marine?
With a Marine...
16. Do you watch the Grammys?
And is currently watching the Grammys while preparing this survey.
17. Would you ever work for the border patrol?
I AM the border patrol. I have chickens to protect.
18. Which one word would describe your last relationship?
Um, ongoing? And going, and going... You know, vicodin and chocolate are a pretty sweet combo. I can't take prescription migraine meds because I seriously freak out, like I'm on real drugs. Haha, 'real' drugs. I kill me.
19. Would you rather date someone 2 years younger then you or 20 years older?
I can just see this-- Hey, Scott, would you rather I dated someone 2 years younger or someone 20 years older? heh heh Honestly, as long as I'm not dating Eddie Izzard, I don't think he'd worry.
20. Have you ever had a eating disorder?
I can't eat anything without getting some on my shirt, so I try to wear dark t-shirts and print blouses. It gets pretty funny when someone asks me if I'm sharing with Jack Sparrow and I don't have a clue.
21. Do you have a porn collection?
I have a stack of LPs that would make anyone jealous. I particularly like the Hondels. Oh, wait, I misread that as phono collection... Silly me.
23. Have you ever been in a interracial relationship?
This survey maker had sex in church with a Marine of a different color.
24. Is your birthday on a holiday?
10 Ways to Celebrate United Nations Day with Children Now that's a rousing party, don't you think?
26. Do you have any friends or family in the war right now?
"The War", or just the war? This generation has no idea what The War was like.
28. Do you worry about global warming?
No, but I am warning people about the Ice Age coming.
29. Do you like polar bears?
You know, I've never been fond of bears. Not even teddy bears. I think it's dumb when something is 'beary good' and people name their dogs Bear. I don't know why I'm prejudiced against bears.
30. Have you ever been cheated on?
Scott once made the mistake of bringing Chinese home just for him... Uh, yeah, THAT was bright. When you've been married this long, that is cheating.
31. What kind of birth control do you use?
I ate the roosters.
32 . What slang word(s) do you call marijuana?
This survey creator smokes pot.
33. Are you an atheist?
And has God issues.
34. Do u stIll talk to the person who you lost your virginity to?
Boy, does this survey creator need to get a life.
35. Did or do you think your childhood dreams will come true?
I once ate an entire pound of chocolate just because I was a grown up and I could. Yes, we can all laugh now.
36. Do you wear your sweetie's clothes?
I told my sweetie if he doesn't throw that underwear away, I'm posting a picture of it on myspace. It's practically a skirt. I've heard stories of men getting attached to their underwear, but that's ridiculous.
37. What's your opinion on gold?
U.S. gold jewelry looks like dime store plastic compared to gold jewelry you can get overseas.
38. Are you a country boy/girl or city slicker?
I've butchered more chickens and other critters than those city slicker gang people can claim on their kill counts. I'm no wuss.
39. Is your car a 2002 or higher?
I laugh. I've never had a car in the 2000's.
40. Do you want to hit something?
I suspect the survey maker wants to hit something.
Ok, I checked back through these, and there are 3 missing questions. Maybe the survey creator got a little distracted by the Grammys.
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